You gotta hand it to Walmart
A little something making the rounds on the internet. I, of course, adore this:
Cooking with Tom B.
I’ve been cooking all of my life. Mostly with food. And sometimes I even eat what I cook.
And guess what? I’m still here.
About six years ago, though, something happened that brought a dramatic change to my cooking life.
I married a woman who is “gourmet” in the kitchen. All of the sudden it was goat cheese (yuck), blue cheese crumbles (yum), and things like caprese salad and amuse-bouche.
I realized that my way of cooking was slowly being lost and that if I didn’t do something, it would completely disappear and then the world would forever be without that knowledge.
Thus the idea for my newest project: Cooking with Tom B.
I know what you are saying. What are this guy’s qualifications? Let me put that to rest right up front. I was taught by my father, inventor of things like his “world famous spaghetti sauce” and “hot dog juice soup.” I have taken his trainings and built upon them adding my own twists.
The focus of my show will be cooks who don’t have time, want to cut corners, and favor techniques that result in the least amount of dishes that will need to be washed.
Here’s some of what will be featured during season one of my new show:
- Tom’s Bonus Tip #1 – Curl your fingers back when slicing and dicing. Yeah, this is famous advice from chefs. But based on how many cutting accidents there are on cooking shows like Top Chef and Iron Chef by the “experts” I think this bears repeating. Most of the time you don’t want blood all over your food. You also don’t want to be emergency wrapped up like a mummy, then suffer through the high drama of “look at me – I can still cook even with tendons showing!”
- Episode #1 – No Salt of the Earth. In the series premier I expound on my theories of the American sodium-rich diet and advocate the modern salt-less kitchen.
- Episode #2 – Safety before Flavor. A special safety-first episode where demonstrate things not to do, like knocking knives off the counter on your bare feet, the proper way to wield a peeler, and avoiding painful skin on graters. Bonus product: Apron that says, “I’m the cook so fork you!”
- Episode #3 – Where’s the Particalized Beef? Making decidedly unauthentic ethnic foods like tacos? Then this episode is a must. I’ll show you how to cook ground beef while obtaining the smallest possible pieces that can still legally be called “food.” Bonus tips: Avoiding chunks. Shorter cooking time means less pleasing browning. Choosing the right fat content. Cold start.
- Episode #4 – Pound Sand not Chicken. This episode teaches time-honored time saving techniques for preparing chicken. I’ll show you how not to pound a chicken and how not to trim excess fat. Bonus tips: Not worrying about the hidden chunky and cartilage parts.
- Episode #5 – Attack it with Packet. Cooking takes too much time. That’s where packets come in. This show is our first broadcast on location, coming to you from Casa Mexicana (hosted by Lawry’s) at Disneyland, Anaheim. Dishes will include “Hot Taco” tacos (muy spicy), original style spaghetti, meat loaf, and, of course, sloppy joes.
- Episode #6 – Secret Ingredients Garden. Learn more about hidden treasures found in your neighborhood grocery story like mini cans of mushrooms known as “pieces and stems” and many more.
- Episode #7 – It’s all about the Ketchup. A whole episode devoted to my favorite condiment of all time. Pairings include: macaroni and cheese, omelets, hot dogs, fries, burgers, potato chips, tacos, hash browns, steak, fried eggs, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, scrapple, onion rings, pasta, ice cream and tuna sandwich.
More episodes are possible depending on how many more things I might do wrong in the kitchen. Stay tuned and Bone Appetite.