Daily Archives: March 29th, 2011

Hyppo and Critter: The Art of Salemanship

What value does our outfit add to the product distribution and consumption process? That’s easy. When one of our talented team of salespeople makes a product “recommendation,” you can rest assured that the recommendation is solely based on our interests and have absolutely nothing to do with what is good for you, the customer.

I see this every day in my job. The boss is our primary salesperson. He knows the product line. We grunts don’t, basically because we could give a flying shit and besides, we’re busy being his Girl Friday bitches and stuff.

When a customer calls in, they typically want a specific product. “I’m looking for the Widget Extreme,” they’ll say. “Your web site says it is in stock.”

The boss will stick the phone in his shoulder and his fingers will fly on the keyboard. “Let me check on that.”

Oops. We don’t have any of the Widget Extreme. But we do have oodles of the Widget Ultra. This is where salesmanship kicks in.

“Why did you want the Widget Extreme? What were you gonna use it for? Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah, for that, we really recommend the Widget Ultra. And I can ship it out today.”

Sucker! They say there is one born every minute.

Later, when the product inventory is reversed, so do our tactics. We will say the damn exact opposite of what we said before.

I can’t help but wonder about this. What if someone calls back and wants another Ultra? And then we tell them that the Ultra sucks and we only recommend the Extreme? Isn’t is possible we could be caught in a lie?

Whatever. “Sales” is the art of tricking someone into buying something no matter what. And at that, my boss does excel.