Our store is open and closed

This is my Monday post, so how about another bitch-fest about work? Hell, yeah! That seems apropos.

Some things overheard in the office last week:

Skeweeeeeeeeennnnggghhhhhhhkkk! Plop-plop-plop!
Hint: That’s the sound of my boss hocking up loogies and them plopping them into the wastebasket under his desk. In other news, I stopped by Staples today, picked up a new wastebasket for under my desk and will never again touch another wastebasket besides mine. Ever.

See? If I had marked that item as out-of-stock I never would have talked them into that other product.
Said by my boss after cross-selling a customer on a product our web site has listed as “in stock.” Recently customers have become increasingly combative when us innocents answer the phone, check the shelves, and say things like, “Nope. We don’t seem to have any.”

What do you mean you don’t have any? Your web site says they are in stock!
The petulant sounds of my boss when on the phone with one of our suppliers. Oh, sweet karma! It’s not often you get that up close and face-to-face with unmitigated gall.

Of course we have a retail store. We’re not an internet-only outfit. Check our web site. You’ll even see a picture of our store there.
That was my boss on the phone talking to a supplier who wanted reassurance that we don’t sell only on the web, that we have an actual retail store. (You’d be surprised how many suppliers really care about this.) In actuality the picture on our website is a photoshopped fake, our location is office space only, our shop doesn’t have any signage or even our name on the door, and there is no display merchandise available for customers to look at and there is no cash register or other means for them to pay.

No. Do not come over here. We’re not a retail store. We do all of our business on the internet. Go to our website if you want to place an order or see what we’ve got.
That was my boss on the phone talking to one of our international repeat customers who just happened to be visiting our town and wanted to stop by. From the sound of things he was rather offended by the less than warm welcome. We didn’t exactly roll out the red carpet.

I wonder what goodness I’ll hear at the office this week?