Pine Near Whoa Man: Cleansing Quiche

QuicheEver heard the expression, “I’ll wash your mouth out with soap?” I have. A lot.

Today we’ll literally do that and enjoy a delicious quiche – all at the same time!

I learned how to make my first quiche during three years of French in high school. That’s also where I got my first taste of escargot or what most of us call “snails.” Loosely translated, escargot in English means “chewy disgusting life forms drowned in butter.”

Recently I came across a bottle of Lemongrass & Basil Antibacterial Hand Soap. Damn, that stuff smells good. Now I get hungry every time I wash my hands.

So I decided to combine the best of both worlds. I now present my humble creation, Cleansing Quiche. Viola!

Cleaning Quiche ala Shouts

3 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for drizzling
1 cup Wheat Thins Snack Crackers – Sundried Tomato & Basil
1/2 cup sliced onions
1 teaspoon chopped, fresh marjoram
Freshly ground black pepper
6 eggs
3/4 cup Lemongrass & Basil Antibacterial Hand Soap
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Roll Wheat Thins with a rolling pin until finely crushed. This may be done in small batches.

3. Drizzle olive oil in a skillet and cook onions and marjoram over medium heat for two minutes until onions are translucent.

4. Combine salt, pepper and eggs in a bowl and stir until combined.

5. Gently fold hand soap into egg mixture. Do not over stir or bubbling may occur.

6. Add the egg mixture to the sautéed onions and stir to incorporate the onions. Cook the frittata on the stovetop until the eggs start to set, then transfer the skillet to the oven. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, or until firm.

7. Enjoy!

Variations: Increase hand soap to two cups and use uncooked mixture as a delicious cleansing colonic. Pour into a pre-warmed collins glass. Serves 1 to 2.

Go ahead and indulge with a spew of profanity before enjoying your first bite of this inspired quiche. Might as well slip a freebie in before deliciously washing your mouth out with every soapy bite.

This invention was inspired by this tweet:

Is it okay to drink Lemongrass & Basil antibacterial hand soap? It smells delicious!

Bon appetit!

8 responses

  1. Your posts always remind me of stories…

    Anyway! That soap sounds delicious!


    1. That’s because you’ve lived, dammit. I haven’t, therefore I just make shit up.

      You gotta tell the story now, right? You can’t just leave us hanging.

      That soap is delicious. I know that for a fact!


  2. Ok, that’s just gross – but thanks for the giggle!


    1. Uh? What part? 🙂

      And what giggle? I was totally serious here! I’m trying to be creative for the next season of Top Chef. I hope to be the one who sucks least, in other words, the last chef standing.

      Does it ever worry you that you’re one of the few that gets my humor. Because, really, it should. You should be extremely concerned.


  3. No, it doesn’t concern me, I consider myself privileged to understand the deranged thinking that is Shouts from the Abyss! 😉


  4. My coworker is bring in quiche tomorrow for lunch. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat it now. I don’t wanna cleanse at work.


    1. Mmmm! That sounds good! Let us know how it goes. Feel free to pass on my recipe, too. Now I’m hungry again!


  5. […] here it is, in the grand tradition of my series of Pine Near Whoa Man posts, the next recipe from me to you. I call it Cowboy Vegetarian Pizza because it captures those […]


Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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