I got this for you

Gears for SaleHoly crap! It’s Monday morning, I’m running late on getting ready for work (shudder), and I haven’t even started tonight’s blog post yet.

It’s time for another WordPress writer’s hatchet job! ๐Ÿ™‚

Today I’m going to write about my new boss who decidedly should not be confused with my former boss. The former boss is a primetime asshole. The new boss is sweet and caring in his own way, but a bit of a nut, and still annoying as hell. But overall he’s a net “win” in my life.

My new boss is now officially codenamed Geppetto (not his real name) and I am an elf employed in his workshop. To protect our identities, I will fictionally say that our business caters to watchmakers. We sell these annoying tiny little parts like gears, springs, oscillating weights and quartz crystals, and a lot of other annoying little oddities.

The watch web site is a tiny slice of our overall business. And the boss has always hated running it. Guess what that means?

Yep. One day one after I was hired my primary function in life was to learn that web site inside and out. The goal was for me to completely take it over from the boss and as soon as possible. And I hate it, too. I wasn’t hired for my watchmaking knowledge, of which I know absolutely nothing, and I have no interest in in, either. Now I’m in charge of it? Oh, joy.

The first thing I was introduced to is what I call The Wall. It’s a bunch of shelves full of tiny little boxes all labeled by hand. There are literally over 400 boxes on that wall. (I know because I counted them.) In theory, each box contains tiny little parts needed by watchmakers. Those are the parts we sell.

Watchmaking is a precise craft. It requires extreme precision or else you’ve got yourself a paperweight on your hands. Our shipping counter has a goddamn micrometer so I can measure things to the ten-thousandth of an inch. And of course all the parts look the same, are mislabeled, etc. Some of them are different and even have the same names! There are exceptions to every rule and its your job as the human to remember it all. It’s probably the most illogical thing I’ve ever been involved with.

It’s been a few months now and I’ve pretty much got that sucker dialed in. I run the web site way more efficiently than the boss ever did and I don’t make errors. Naturally I hate every minute of it. It’s like a form of torture to me. But the boss says all the time how much he appreciates not having to deal with it anymore and how I do a good job. And I know he’s sincere about that.

So the other day a mysterious box comes in the mail. The boss makes a big production out of opening it. He gets so damn excited by boxes. I said, “That thing could contain cow pies and you’d still be just as excited as a kid on Christmas morning the way you rip into it.” He had to admit I was right.

I got this for you,” he said, as his gigantor fingers ripped into the box.

What? For me? What could it possibly be??? I have to admit, for just the briefest of moments I forgot my negativity and thought it might actually be something good. God, I can still be so naive at times.

What was in the box? Business cards from VistaPrint. You know the type. A brand-X feel with a logo chosen from some clip art library. On the top it said, “ACME Corp. Watch Parts” above a lame piece of clip art of some gears.

And there, down below, it said, “Alfredo Geppetto, Sales Manager.”

What the fuck? Now let me see if I got this straight.

  • You hated running the watch dept. so you forced it down my throat
  • You no longer have anything to do with the watch dept. (except seeing those funds deposit into your bank account)
  • Running the watch dept. is my responsibility

But, when the chips are down, you still want to take full credit for everything I do. YOU are the “sales manager,” not me.

And then you have the balls to tell me that you got those business cards for ME??? Bullshit!

I guess I should be grateful my name isn’t on the card. I wouldn’t want that. So when people call they’ll ask for him, not me. But…. As soon as he realizes it’s a call about watch parts, he’ll say, “Hang on. I’ll get someone to help you.” And that will just make me feel more like a secretary than ever.

What do you think? Was I wrong to feel offended by his “I got this for you” comment?

I think it’s safe to say that we’ll just call this Part One in an ongoing series to be known as, “Inside Geppetto’s Workshop.”

Remember: “Watchmaking” is just a bit of fiction. Actual business functions have been changed to protect the innocent.

7 responses

  1. I think the cards are more about him having a subordinate, being the nameless you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so happy, I’m thinking.

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    1. I came up with a good analogy, I think.

      Imagine a doctor’s office and a nurse who works there. A shipment of tongue depressors comes in and the doctor tells the nurse, “I got this for you.”

      He’d probably find a depressor jammed in each ear. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      1. Excellent! When I had the customer reps my comments on artwork for advertising, I often say, “I’ve got a PRESENT FOR YOU!” (sing-song and LOUD).

        No wonder they hate me ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. All we are is just a -nother….. cog in the watch…
    Sounds like your life needs a Pink Floyd soundtrack?

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    1. That would be perfect. I think The Wall is one of the best albums of all time. I especially enjoy grabbing a bottle of vodka or gin and enjoying a viewing of the movie, too.

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  3. I couldn’t help but laugh when you described The Wall. By now, doesn’t Mark Zuckerberg have a patent on the term? Gee. as a teacher I get excited when someone gets me almost anything. (The almost is for the toilet seat covers.) I winced when I read about the cheesy business cards. Teachers don’t have these, even for show, as it leaves a paper trail. To think I thought pushing my piles of paperwork and herding children was a lackluster job! Look forward to future updates. Too many people I work with read my blog via facebook, so I can’t even disguise The Usual Suspects. I envy you in that regard.

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    1. Good point. I never stopped to think about teachers having business cards. Now that you mention it, I’ve never seen a teacher hand one out. Odd.

      I blogged recently about the consequences of sharing your real thoughts on the internet under your own name. Students can be suspended, teachers can be suspended, and workers can be fired.

      I’ve blogged about the benefits and drawbacks of anonymous blogging before, but recent events compel me to revisit the issue. Stay tuned! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

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