Daily Archives: February 10th, 2011

Chatting with God

God as he appeared on Top Chef: Dieties




What’s up?

The stars.

Sounds deep.

Yes it sounds like it to me, too.

Are you high?

Being high is my total existence.


Do not ask me any more questions please. What were we talking about again?

I do not believe in you.

What do you believe in?


It appears to be an illusion I created to contain human clients.

You can have your own chat with God here.

I was promised poo

Don't be such a turd!

I have good news and bad news. In what order do you want it?

And here we go again … introducing yet another new feature to the blog-yo-sphere. I’m dubbing this invention blog reader interactivity. For the first time, you get to choose the story!

If you want the good news first, read the following paragraphs in numerical order. If you prefer it the other way around (and hey, who doesn’t?) then simply read those paragraphs in reverse order. Read to interact? Go!

1. Living Dilbert has returned to the scene of the crime … wait, erm, I mean, her blog. Yeah, that’s it. Yeah, her blog! This is huge. And good.

2. She promised to blog about, and I quote: “I can’t poo at this job.”As we go to press with this posting, that missive still hasn’t seen the light of day. That’s the bad news. No doubt it will pop up later. I hope.

As the current world record holder in the category of “Poop Where You Work” I am very interested in what she has to say about the topic. I await that post with baited breath.

I know what LD, means, though. I recently took on a new job. It’s been almost four months now. It took a few weeks before I was even able to pee for the first time. That bathroom was disgusting. But, and let me know if this is in any way Too Much Information (TMI), it took over three months before my one and only poo activity at work, and that only happened this week because I was deathly ill. Before that vicious blow I had successfully trained my body to be more mindful of work hours.

Sure, you can save a lot of money on toilet paper if you only poop at work, but that’s not my bag. Not when you hang out with The Unclean. They can be so … dirty.

My relationship with poop on this blog is a storied one and the stuff of legend. It all started one day when I posted an economic theory of mine. I call it Gold Nugget economics. Quite simply, it is the theory that I am gold and you are poop. This forms the basis of all economic tension that makes the entire world go around.

A few posts like that and soon, quite unplanned, I assure you, “poop” stood alone as the Big Kahuna in my tag cloud. Not one to miss an opportunity, I grabbed that poop and ran with it. I seized the day. I swore, right then and there, that poop would always remain this blog’s #1 tag, and I’m proud to say my commitment there has never wavered.

The first real volley in the poop genre, however, was launched about a month into my blog. That’s when I keenly noticed that I worked eight feet away from where people pooped. Not a bad start.

Sometimes customers use the work toilet, too. If they do, you’ve got a job to do when they leave, shall we say, surprises?

Of course, it should be no big surprise to anyone that I went on to break my own record in the “distance to toilet” department. This is no small achievement!

So, in summation, allow me to say this once again. Make no mistake about it. I’m glad Living Dilbert is back. 🙂


Bar scene signs

I’m a regular participant in the Shutterboo Weekly Photo Challenge (WPC) 2011 over on the Flickr web site. The premise is simple: Each week Shutterboo throws out a random word and we grab our cameras and try to creatively interpret that word with our captures.

I’ll be sharing my weekly WPC photos here on the blog. Above is my take on the challenge word “sign.”

The story behind this image: There I was at the local chowder house enjoying some clams and chips with my wife. I happened to notice that from where I was sitting, I could literally see no less than seven beer signs. I held up my fingers and made an imaginary crop of the scene and thought it might make an interesting photograph, so I gave it a try. My goal was to get all the signs, including the one in the front window, and not get any of the patrons at the bar. Due to experience, I knew to ask permission before starting to shoot. The waitress said no problem, then together we approached the people at the bar to let them know that I’d be pointing my camera in their direction but they would not be in the shot. Not only didn’t they mind, they demanded to be in the shot! I guess alcohol is a bit of a game-changer when it comes to that.

In the end, however, I kept my word and sacrificed the window sign in the final crop. This picture didn’t turn out quite like I hoped but that’s the story of how it came to be.


Shutterboo’s Weekly Photo Challenge (WPC) 2011
Shutterboo’s Blog