My old boss, the fake Christian, is a multifaceted person. There are many dimensions to his assholiness. He’s also one of the people who inspired my post about the Gristle family line.

He’s married to a woman who is actually pretty decent. She seems like a nice person.

One thing about the old boss. When he gets into something you’d better be into it, too. If he likes XYZ then you will like XYZ. Whether you like it or not.

The employees often speculated about what we thought must be the “trapped” aspect of being married to someone like him. It didn’t always seem like she was such a willing participant. At least from our perspective it seemed like she often went along with his things in the name of avoiding drama.

Let’s say he liked the NY Rangers. (A hypothetical example to protect my anonymity.) Guess what would happen next? Both of them would show up, as man and wife, dressed from head to toe in NY Rangers gear. Did his wife have any interest in the NY Rangers whatsoever? No, but she dutifully went along for the ride.

Another thing the boss liked was skiing. Therefore his wife liked it, too, even if she didn’t.

Last year they were on the slopes and his wife slammed it hard. Big time. She totally wonked out her knee. It was some pretty serious shit. She was laid up for months and subjected to several surgeries. It took a lot of time and some rehabilitation but she eventually worked her way back to normality. (Then she slipped on the ice and wonked it again, but that’s another story.)

The interesting part, though, is what the boss did. A couple of days after the accident a mysterious little object appeared in his car.

It was a rear-window hang that authorized handicapped parking!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally think the wife’s condition justified her temporary handicapped parking permit. I have no problem with that if she’s driving or even a passenger in the car.

Y’all see where this is going, right?

The boss used that temporary permit as his keys to the kingdom of premium parking spaces. Even when his wife wasn’t in the car!

What a douchenozzle. Seriously. How does a human being justify that sort of behavior? I really want to know.