Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity

It be subtle, but that switch is in the 'off' position - heh!

As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas.

I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?”

What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace.

That’s about when I had the idea for my next big thing. I’m calling it “anti-social media.” (Alas, a Google search reveals I’m not the first to dream up this particular phrase. It’s damn hard to be completely original these days.)

My very own spin, however, is to take that phrase and loosely apply it to the social networking phenomenon. My concept is a web site called NothingShare.com. I’ve already made the logo for the site, too.

The premise for the service is simple. Just like social sites, people will sign up and create their online personas. The rub is that they’ll never be seen. Ever.

I like the elegant simplicity of that. There will be no friends. All invitation requests will automatically be handled (and rejected) by the service. An “accept” button will not exist.

Backgrounds? Only one will be offered, in black, of course.

There will be at least one online game. Perhaps something like iQuicksand. “You’ve just sunk three more inches. Your request for rope has been answered by 0 friends.” Yeah, that sounds like good clean fun to me!

The primary function of the service will be something I’m calling “profile masturbation.” Visit the site, log in, and tweak your profile to your heart’s content. Upload your “avatar” image. Quippishly enter your favorite quotes. List all of your favorite TV shows, types of music, iTunes playlists, and books you’ve read recently. Come up with pithy and clever snippets that prove how fucking witty you are. If you’re having fun, that’s great! You’re the only one on the planet who will ever have the chance to enjoy it.

What is needed now is investment capital. If you love the concept as much as me, it’s time to open your hearts (along with your wallets) and get me da money. It’s scrilla time. Operators are standing by. (Unfortunately, just like friend invites, their phones can’t accept incoming calls.)

Start-Up Costs Estimate Sheet – Total Needed: $2,507,595

Domain name: $10
Design: $25
Web Hosting: $60
Licensing fees for Taco Bell’s “Black Taco” to be company mascot: $7,500
CEO Bonus: $2.5 million

In exchange for your generous donations I’m offering private stock certificates in equal amounts. I’m calling these “Nothing Shares.” And they are literally priceless, if you know what I mean.

I can’t wait to show you my NothingShare.com profile (or not). This is gonna be epic!

11 responses

  1. This sounds like a real winner (pronounced “wiener”) to me, so sign me up for a zillion shares. If I may make a suggestion though, I’d opt for a message from that “Peggy” guy instead of just not answering the phone. In fact, you could use his profile in your ads as an example of the greatness your users could achieve!

    Like

    1. I hate those Peggy commercials. Discover should be charged with false advertising. A slight exaggeration, no?

      Based on current currency exchange rates a zillion shares may be worth almost a whole penny. Plus a $5 transaction fee, of course!

      Like

  2. There’s got to be more of us haters out there for advertisers to play to, right?

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    1. Indeed. I can see advertisers falling all over themselves to get on this innovative new site. FYI to Google: I’m not cheap. I’m going to want at least $100 to sell out.

      Like

  3. *snort*
    You need to be listed as the Anti-Tony Robbins!
    The answer to all those persistenly perky people that piss me off!

    I like it!

    Like

    1. Thanks!

      And I accept the nomination to be the anti-Tony Robbins. I think that’s a great idea! Thanks to a good friend of mine, I still have one of his books on my shelf. You know what they say. “Know your enemy.”

      🙂

      Like

  4. I support you 100%… How many shares can I get for nothing?

    Like

    1. This may be the first time in my life I’ve ever reached 100%. Wow. So that’s what it feels like, eh? “Move over, Participant ribbon! You’ve got company!”

      A donation of $0 will earn you 0 shares, but, on the plus side, they come with a “double your money back guarantee.”

      *Double your money back guarantee only valid on $0 shares.

      Like

  5. Silly, silly man! (You realize that now that you’re cover is blown with me, it’s kinda hard for me to SEE you as an “anti-Tony Robbins” right?). But you’re still pretty clever and quite funny!

    🙂

    Like

    1. I’ll ignore your heresy and gratefully accept those two compliments. Thanks! 🙂

      Like

  6. […] Don’t forget to check out my mad Photoshop skills on the logo, which I did myself! As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas. I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?” What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace. That’s about … Read More […]

    Like

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