Sperm donor poetry

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and lay in bed and linger and just let whatever thoughts that might be drifting by land in my ol’ empty head. This morning the following bit of lyrical poetry is what materialized out of the freakin’ blue.

No, I’m not kidding.

Do not ask me why. Also, don’t ask me why I feel like sharing it, either. Did I ever mention I like to be pathetic?

Here at the Abyss I like to bring as much variety to you as I possibly can. Something tells me posts like this one meet that humble goal only too well…

Leave this blog. Now. I urge you. Beyond here, there be dragons!

Sperm Donor

Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor,
Make me a batch,
Grind me a grind
Scratch me a batch
Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor
Read a porn book,
And make me a perfect batch

Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor
Fill up that pail
I’ll bring my womb
Try not to fail
Bring me a batch – it’s not wrong you’ll agree
To make a test tube baby

Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor,
Make me a batch,
Grind me a grind,
Scratch me a batch,
Night after night in the dark I’m alone
So help me to hatch,
On my own

19 responses

  1. Can I please borrow this to use in my interview process for a baby daddy? Please and thank you!

    Like

    1. But of course. I think it’ll really help you to find a superior … product.

      Like

  2. Oh no, haha

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    1. “Oh no” is right! I was worried about this. Someone sweet and innocent finding my blog and being tainted by my ways. Please forgive me. πŸ™‚

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  3. I can pretty much guess why he’s a sperm donor blahahhahahaa πŸ™‚

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    1. Is that a polite way of calling me special? If so, I’ll take it, and proudly display it next to my “participant” ribbon.

      Like

  4. Addendum – I love the relationship between WordPress and Google. Within mere minutes after saving this post my blog was #3 in Google for the phrase, “sperm donor poetry.” And I think that’s important!

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  5. I laughed, I cried, I gagged a little.

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    1. The perfect response!

      Like

  6. Do people get paid for sperm donorationing? I mean Officially, not like my god-daughter’s sperm donor, who was just an irresponsible a-hole (the mother, too).

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    1. LOL! You’re right, of course. There are two kinds of sperm donors. I’m a father to one.

      Like

  7. *snort* *gag*
    I think there’s medication for that, you know…
    πŸ˜€

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    1. Say what? Lipitor? Plavix? Ambien? Do tell!!!

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  8. Bahahaha! I wonder if my sperm donor made a poem prior to, or during, his deposit πŸ™‚

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    1. One can hope!

      And good luck with that, by the way. And thanks for the comment!

      Like

  9. My friend and I have already cornered the market on sperm poetry, or what we’ve affectionately termed, “Spermetry.”

    You can read about it here: http://travelindreams.wordpress.com/2011/08/20/spermetry/

    Like

    1. I like your spunk, but I have to challenge your use of the word “already.” You see, my poem has a publication date of December 2010, and yours is August 2011. Still, I wish you the best of luck following in my most humble footsteps.

      I shall be watching your efforts with interest! πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. You’re in a funk with
    All this talk of spunk
    Maybe you think I’m just a punk?
    Throwin out terms like junk?
    I’ll save you a chunk
    Of this magical bunk

    Inseminate a smile on your face
    To replace
    Your faux copywright disgrace
    Leaving my trace
    All over your place.

    Like

    1. OMG! I bow down to you. Obviously I’m not worthy. πŸ™‚

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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