A Very Abyss Christmas

Just in time for the holidays…

Is the holiday season making your spirits too bright? If you find yourself feeling goodwill towards men, this new classic holiday CD might just help. Pop it in the old music machine and shatter some peace on Earth, won’t you?

Deck your fellow man instead of those pesky halls!

Not available in any stores!

Now how much would you pay?

Only 24 easy payments of $2.99. Operators are standing by. Don’t visit the Shopping Maul and punch women in the face just for the chance to own this fabulous bit of Christmas musical history. Ordering factory direct from China is available on our pimped out web site.

Come on! Step up and order today, but only if you’ve got the jingle balls to make a consumption decision that will change your life — forever! (All sales final.)

Includes classic downer hits like:

Critics fucking rave:

It’s a breadth of freth aire.
Some guy we paid who consented to us paraphrasing his words


Songs from the Abyss cured my holiday cheer in no time at all!
Grandmother Taker (shortly before her most recent stroke)


That’s 45 minutes of my life I’ll never get back and I couldn’t be happier!
Our recording engineer

I hope you’ll enjoy these timeless Christmas classics as my precious gift to you. Ho ho ho.

6 responses

  1. Hahahahaha…. “Christmas at Ground Zero” was the first Weird Al song I’d ever heard – my brother played it for me when I was about ten and I laughed my ass off. Apparently I was quite a violent ten year old.


    1. It’s a true holiday classic! šŸ™‚


  2. Bejeebers, the freaking cat song made me cry–at work. I didn’t even cry when I thought my puppy was freezing to death or nabbed last night. Was bummed but didn’t cry! Damn. Rough stuff.

    Better to stick with something family-oriented, like this: (hope this works)


    1. That may be the perfect Christmas song. It has all the components of the perfect Christmas. šŸ™‚


    2. Also, thanks for making it to the last song. I tried to save the best for last. šŸ™‚


      1. I didn’t make it all the way through all the songs…but I’d only heard of like ONE?


Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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