So Long, and Thanks for All the Pish

It’s official. I am out of The Shit Hole, Galactic Empire Designation Death Star One.

I have done punched that clock for the last time.

Yah, me!

To think I’ve been blogging about hating my job for well over a year now. I never imagined this day could actually come.

I don’t really have a lot to say about it right now. Here’s a little run down on some official Last Week goodness:

Late last week, one of my fellow employees, recently code named The Waffler, had finally had enough. Like me, his big beefs with the job revolved around things like nanomanagement and how employees are treated.

A few weeks back The Waffler had been put on notice by management. He had to improve or he’d be fired. Like me he’s been with the company for over five years, and, like me, the boss always says that he’s “family.”

Late one afternoon he received an email with an enormous list of tasks and was told, “These must all be completed today.”

So he stayed late and kept working while the rest of us clocked out and went home.

Ever the curious one, I waited until after payday and kindly inquired if he had been paid for working late.

“Nope,” he replied. Ah! Just like what they’ve done to me, the company illegally modified his time card.

“Did they offer you any time off to compensate?” I asked.

“Nope,” he said. “I’ve heard absolutely nothing about that.” And, unless I miss my guess, he never will. The company just doesn’t pay overtime and not once in my five and one-half years was I ever comped any time no matter how many freebie hours I put in.

A few more shitty things happened and finally The Waffler had had enough. Early one morning he requested a meeting with the boss. “I’m going to quit,” he confided in me as I greeted him that morning.

I was aglow with anticipation and excitement. “This is gonna be good,” I thought. Of course, my negative side was whispering in my ear, “Get over it. It ain’t gonna happen.”

The closed-door meeting began and we all clearly heard the boss through the paper-thin walls. “I want to start by apologizing to you.” Uh oh. Not a good sign. I knew then he wouldn’t quit.

He didn’t.

The meeting lasted two and one-half hours and along the way morphed into the boss telling The Waffler the myriad of ways that he sucks and had better improve. Epic fail.

Two days ago he was reprimanded for not saying “thank you” to the boss regarding something said in chat and for not saying “I’m sorry” after making a mistake.

I’m still amazed how the boss was able to completely turn The Waffler around from his decision to quit to taking abuse again.

To celebrate my last day of work, the boss decided today would be “crazy hat day.” I walked in and everyone was wearing stupid hats. I knew something was up!

I was forced to pick a hat. Since the employee’s have been joking about it being Christmas for me all week long, I picked the Santa hat.

Goodbye stupid hat. Merry Christmas. Goodbye stupid office chair.

After arriving at work I learned that the company was buying me lunch to say goodbye. Of course I was standing there stupidly holding in my hands the lunch I had brought in since no one bothered to tell me. If I had known I could have been spared from bringing in my lunch. That would have been convenient. And, like always, the person of honor is never asked anything about what they’d actually like to have for lunch. Management can’t allow employees to make any decisions no matter what. “Here! Eat this shit that we bought. We ordered for you whether you like it or not. Enjoy. That’s an order. Comply.”

You’re never supposed to leave a man behind, but today I selfishly ran for cover leaving three of my cohorts deep in the shit. I doubt I’m going to be awarded the Medal of Honor for that.

In closing, here are the two final employee whiteboards from my last week on the job.

I drew this one causing much confusion. One theory speculated that it was Jesus walking on water in front of a sunrise. It’s actually a person stepping on a land mine while a Bouncy Betty is tossed in.

The final employee whiteboard of my Shit Hole career