In my last post I had elevated Abyss Negativity Alert Status to “Game Over.” That is no joke. We are currently operating at 103% of maximum negativity capacity here in the Abyss. I shit you not.

Maximum negativity status is always a special time. It is an exciting time. I can often be heard to exclaim during times like this, “Vive la festival!”

Back in July of this year, I had also posted about how to be careful on the internet and with your Facebook. I recommend you check it out if you haven’t already. The post is entitled I’m sick of worrying about the bad people.

Apparently there are still some people out there who haven’t read my blog. (I know!) These unwitting fools fell victims to crooks who used Facebook to identify when their homes would be vacant so they could be burgled. I call the awesome power of technology helping people. Just like the way the Terminator does, too.

DO NOT USE FACEBOOK, TWITTER, YOUR BLOG OR ANYTHING ELSE ON THE INTERNET TO LET PEOPLE KNOW WHEN YOU ARE GOING ON VACATION AND/OR WILL BE OUT OF TOWN.

It’s that simple. If you want to blow off your narcissistic energies and yell, “Hey, internets! Look at me,” do it the smart way. Write about it after you get back! People will be just as happy to be bored by after the fact as they would before. (Trust me on this.)

Today’s heartwarming tale of goodness is inspired by something along these lines.

Police recently caught some burglars in New Hampshire who used Facebook status updates to find out when people would be gone and then burgle their houses. I bet these victims will think twice the next time they get the urge to shout to the internet ahead of time about their upcoming trip. (At least I hope they will.)

My wife and I recently took a three-day weekend for our anniversary and you can bet your ass Facebook and the blog knew absolutely nothing about it. Period. Bar none. I waited until we were back home before I wrote it. I’ll bet you all can still remember where you were and what you were doing when I finally broke silence about it.

So these burglars reportedly hit a whopping 18 homes (or more) and were caught by police with stolen property estimated to be worth $100,000 to $200,000 in value. Wow.

Here’s the obligatory “stupid dumb criminals” part of the story:

According to local police, investigators tracked down the burglars by listening for the sound of a specific kind of fireworks stolen from a home. When they heard it, they apprehended the suspects and their loot. (Source.)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is the best belly laugh I’ve had all day! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Edgar Allen Poe would probably call this something like “the dumb robbing the dumb.”

The moral of this story: Listen to Tom you should. Hmm! About your safety Tom cares. Hmmm! Negative he may be but cares he does. Hmmph! For you he writes his blog. Read more you will. Yes? Hmmm!!!*

*Celebrity voice impersonated.