My Twitter Happening Tour

I'm in the bathroom!

Ever see a tweet from someone announcing where they are? The usually look a little something like this: “I’m at Taco Bell (1122 Boogie Boogie Ave, Des Moines).”

Well good for you! If I could live vicariously through your next bite of an Enchirito (TM) I would, but I can’t, so I guess I don’t give a flying shit where the fuck you are and what in the world you just might be eating at Taco Bell.

This is the social networking overlord in action? Gads. What have we become?

So on Thursday I decided to go on a whirlwind tour of some key places in the United States. Not a real tour, mind you. It was a virtual tour with Twitter as my play-by-play announcer. The plan was to make tweets that looked like the real McCoy but were actually hand-generated by yours truly based on my sick mind.

Up first, naturally, was a visit to the proctologist. I wanted there to be a moment of genuine WTF? before it became obvious that I was playing some sort of game. I hope some of you truly speculated, “Why the hell is he tweeting about his visit to a fucking proctologist?” Ha ha!

Two of my favorite people noticed what was up and tweeted about my “happening.” First up with the brilliant Blurt who doesn’t miss much. He offered me a very warm sentiment about the proctologist: “Here’s hoping your doctor has small hands.” Indeed! But then he noticed the geographical impossibilities of my tweets and said to my wife: “He is covering a lot of ground today.” Mwuhahaha!

The only other person to notice (at least enough to comment) was BreaAire who said about my visit to The Area 51 Cafe: “Aliens dropped you off? Or are you waiting for the next pickup?” LOL!

Those who follow me on Twitter at the few, the proud, the apparently deranged. I hope some of you enjoyed my smart-assed version of a social media “happening.”

Here are the happening tweets in all their glory:

I’m at Five Islands Lobster Co. (447 Five Islands Road, Georgetown). about 12 hours ago via web

I’m at White House (1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington). about 13 hours ago via web

I’m at Ladies of the Night Escorts (9450 Mira Mesa Boulevard, San Diego). about 14 hours ago via web

@blurtblog Boy are my arms tired. about 14 hours ago via web in reply to blurtblog

I’m at Smith Funeral Home & Crematory (405 North Columbus Street, Lancaster). about 15 hours ago via web

I’m at Wasilla City Hall (290 E. Herning Ave., Wasilla). about 16 hours ago via web

I’m at The Lipo SurgeryClinic (14855 Blanco Rd., Suite 100, San Antonio). about 17 hours ago via web

I’m at Area 51 Cafe (901 Northeast Loop 410, San Antonio). about 18 hours ago via web

I’m at Saleeby and Wessels Proctology (3814 Browning Place, Suite 100, Raleigh). about 19 hours ago via web

14 responses

  1. That was great! How did you pick your places?

    When the first one hit I thought “oh man, he doesn’t know he’s turned something on on twitter. Hey, he’s in Raleigh.”


    1. Thanks!

      In an attempt to keep the whole thing mysterious, they were all real places. My goal was to do one an hour on average. That didn’t quite work out but close enough. Next I wanted some of them to be places you wouldn’t naturally want to announce to the world. Proctologist, liposuction. funeral home and adult club all came to mind instantly. Maybe a bit too instantly. 🙂

      Then I thought I could make them “political” and Wasilla and White House were born.

      The Area 51 Cafe was just to prove I’m weird. For the finale I wanted something that really proved geographical craziness was going on, so I thought, “How about someplace in Maine?” Due to my myopic view of that state it had to be lobsters.

      How’s that for more detail than ya ever wanted? 🙂


  2. I did notice your tweets and thought they were hilarious, but I was too far up my own butt yesterday to comment.
    Really liked the Wasilla City Hall one!


    1. You complete me. You had me at “up my own butt.”

      I’m so glad you noticed it was going on! I do so enjoy being a smart ass (which is, by chance, another definition for up your own butt).


  3. Browning Place? Ewww… I set up a Twitter account and then forgot about it. Look what fun I missed. Very funny!


  4. I saw the tweets and thought them odd, but decided to keep quiet


  5. Right before I saw your tweet, I was sitting in a dr’s. office at the time, in a space-age “beam-me-up” type tube, waiting to breathe. I was waiting for the green light and the funny little grey men, but they must have been with you.

    After that, I was watching your travels, and figured the aliens were dropping you and picking you back up. I was wondering if, when I got back on the computer, we’d be able to seen some pictures of where you’d tweeted from.

    Alien tour-bus drivers don’t come along every day, you know. Taxis, yes. Tour buses? Hmmn, not so much!


  6. Sorry, it’s not that I don’t love you, Twitter just aggravates my ADHD.


    1. I feel that. It encourages my ADHD, too. Wait, what did you say?

      Too late, I’m on to the next thing!


  7. I had seen your tweets too — but I “knowing” you, I feel like you’re always writing crazy messed up silly funny but always poignant stuff! I laugh and move on. You’re slly crazy that way! (I say that with love mind you!).


    1. Woot! I’m glad you saw. 🙂


  8. You are so silly. I just can’t make myself get into Twitter, though I have an account. i don’t get the appeal of it..


    1. Let’s face it. You are not a twit! 🙂


  9. […] there is a lot of bullshit on Twitter. Like location tweets. “I’m at Starbucks.” Well now, goodie for  you. I guess we know you are a […]


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