Daily Archives: August 26th, 2010

Airlock Time: Dudley Enright

Oh great airlock of space and time, hear my plea! We need you down here on earth today!

An act has been committed. Now comes time for the whining and begging and the attempts to shank all responsibility. Oops. Freudian slip there.

Meet Mr. Michael Enright, the man of the hour. This young man, age 21, apparently asked a New York taxi driver if he was Muslim, and when he got confirmation that was indeed the case, uttered the fateful words, “Consider this a checkpoint” and opened up with his Leatherman on the man’s neck, forearms, face, and hand.

So what are the pertinent facts in this case?

  • Enright was drunk. Oh, so sorry, old chap. I didn’t know. Uncuff him immediately. He’s free to go.
  • He’s only 21. Yep, never mind. It’s ok to slice and dice humans up like a true master of Ginsu.
  • He’s a college student. Duh. Where do you think he got his training?
  • He did volunteer work in Afghanistan. This little bit of info is so important that media places it prominently in the lead frickin’ paragraph. As if it means something.
  • He greeted the driver in Arabic. What’s this supposed to prove? It takes one to know one?
  • He’s an honors student. Ooh, we should go easy on him. He’s a good person!
  • He lives with his parents. True, that does explain a lot. Another gerbil on the rampage.
  • He volunteered with a group that promotes “interfaith dialogue.” Welp, I guess it’s safe to take that off the list of shit that’s helpful, eh?
  • He volunteered with a group that “involved veterans.” Media sure didn’t miss this important fact, whatever the hell it means.

Please don’t let the airlock be denied. Powerful forces will ally to prevent this young man from being sucked out into space, but in the end, I sincerely hope and pray that the airlock will prevail.

Some people say we don’t need hate crime laws. I say this is a textbook case of why we do. Without the Muslim hating component this attack would have never occurred.

In other news, shouldn’t everyone carry a Leatherman in their pocket when they are out drinking? Damn those are handy versatile little suckers.

In the name of the most holy Airlock, amen.

People who look like me

To date I have never shared my picture. It’s a necessary evil since I choose to remain anonymous on my blog. But that doesn’t mean I can’t show you what I look like. :)

Above we see a recruit known only as “Gomer Pyle” from the excellent movie Full Metal Jacket. I’ve actually been called Pyle by some keen-eyed friends who noticed the uncanny resemblance.

Here we see Commodore Matt Decker, a Starfleet officer who was the commander of the USS Constellation. Decker had a bad day when he beamed his crew down to a planetoid (where he believed they would be safe) so he could go battle with an alien machine known only as “the planet killer” mano-a-mano. Oops. The USS Constellation barely survived the encounter and the planet killer ate the planet along with his crew.

For a long time I’ve felt that Matt Decker would be the perfect Halloween costume for me.

To the right please allow me to introduce Malakili. Do you recognize him? This good looking fellow didn’t exactly have the biggest part of all-time in the Star Wars franchise. He made he appearance in Return of the Jedi. Still can’t recognize him? He was a denizen of Jabba’s palace. It turns out the Jabba the Hutt had a trap door in his audience hall. Yes, the very same trap door that surprised Luke Skywalker himself. Below that door lived a beast known as the Rancor. The Rancor was a giant monster thing that had feasted on many victims until it faced Skywalker and lost. After the death of the Rancor we meet Malakili, the Rancor Keeper, and he gets his 10 seconds of screen time. It’s a touching scene as he mourns the loss of his beloved friend. Again the resemblance is uncanny and I’ve often thought this would also make a perfect Halloween costume for me.

If you can somehow morph these three characters together in your mind you should end up with a highly accurate approximation of my appearance. But why in the hell would you want that?

Other notable mentions…

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo – No further explanation needed, eh?

Finally, an actual photograph of yours truly, pixelated, of course: