Living the dream – nevermore

It was a dark and stormy night. My wife and I were going to bed.  Suddenly, a shot rang out.

This is the true story of last night.

We were fluffing our pillows and on final approach for nitey nite. Then my wife did something that happened to irritate me. No, I don’t remember now what it was. That isn’t germane to this tale. But I do remember quite clearly what I said in response.

“Just for that I’m going to close my eyes and repeat the name ‘Jessica Alba’ over and over again as I drift off to sleep.”

Hey. Never once have I ever claimed to be mature! A little directed dreaming as a method of revenge. What can I say? That’s just the way I roll.

I’m still baffled by what happened next, but this actually seemed to irritate my wife. The next thing I heard was my wife gently and quietly repeating these words as I was falling asleep: “mom … your mother … Beatrice.”


She was trying to push Jessica Alba out of my dream. How rude.

This morning I woke up and realized that I did dream and I actually remember it. It went a little something like this:

I had gone back in time with Kirk and Spock. A terrible future was waiting for us and we had one chance to make things right. It was decided that I would be disguised as a Romulan and would sneak onto a Romulan ship. Meanwhile none of us were aware that Jean-Luc Picard was also planning a trip to the same moment in time, and was about to accidentally interfere with our plans. We were going to have to adapt quickly or it would be the end of the universe…

I’m not making this up. That was the actual dream. I must have woken up because that’s all I remember. I do remember thinking while I was dreaming, though, “I’d better remember this, because this shit is good. This will make an awesome movie!” Then I woke up and I have to admit, it all sounds a bit lame.

So I guess now we know what happens if you compromise between mom and Jessica Alba. Your mind doesn’t know how to cope so it settles on Star Trek as a defense mechanism.

Please enjoy the musical selection that our chef has paired with this article.

18 responses

  1. My latest and greatest idea: Turning songs and literary works into tweets. Heh.

    Here is my attempt for The Raven:

    Midnight; sleeping. Tapping at door. Stood a raven, shadow on floor. No remove, no soothe, even if implore. Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

    If I was in jail I’m sure I’d have a lot more free time for stuff like this.


  2. Hilliarious! Loved that dream — and loved even more the reasoning behind it! Hahahaha! I guess my question is, was Dr. Soren part of the dream as well? Cuz that would have made it even more fantastic to me! Well, maybe more nightmare-ish! Ha!


    1. Thanks!

      “It’s like a predator; it’s stalking you. Oh, you can try and outrun it with doctors, medicines, new technologies but in the end, time is going to hunt you down… and make the kill.”

      Dr. Soren was a pretty cool bad guy!


      1. Hahahaha! He totally was! Sweet dreams tonight!


  3. Nice dream.
    I have that song on my mp3 player.
    Love it.


    1. I think it was the first album ever released by the Alan Parsons Project. I love everything on that CD.

      Trivia time: Did you know Alan Parsons was a producer on “Abbey Road” and “Let It Be” by the Beatles and “Dark Side of the Moon” by Pink Floyd? I’ve got several CD’s signed by the man, too. Woot.


  4. Mrs. A opens up your head and dances around in there whenever she wants. She is my mind control hero.


    1. LOL!

      Yeah, I have to admit, it was a clever tactic.

      It wouldn’t have made any difference, though. If I did actually dream of Jessica Alba I always wake up before anything fun happens. 🙂


  5. haha, great post! I always think my dreams seem so awesome, but in reality pretty lame. Especially if I try to tell my dream to someone else and then it turns into nonsense ramblings.


  6. Thanks! Thinking my dream would make a fantastic movie is a recurring theme with me. Then every time I wake up it’s like, no way! 🙂


  7. Well here I am AGAIN to set the story straight. For the last five nights Mr. A has dreamt of several celebs and then regaled me with all the dirty details in the morn. Jessica Alba one night, Jennifer Aniston another night, Olivia Munn and on and on. And the story goes…

    It was a dark and stormy night. My husband and I were going to bed. Suddenly, a shot rang out.

    We were fluffing our pillows and on final approach for nitey nite. Then my husband said something that happened to irritate me. “I wonder who I’ll dream about tonight?” quoth the Raven. I innocently asked “Hey, have you heard from your mother lately? You know her, mom, mother, mama, mommy, Beatrice?” I simply repeated that question several times or more just to make sure he heard it. Old dudes need repeats now and again. I was just being courteous.


    1. “Dirty details,” you say? Why that is downright scurrilous lie! Not only have I decidedly not dreamt of those people, there were also NO dirty details. None. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

      Now I might have innocently mentioned those persons a few times but that is a horse of a different color…

      There are many categorical falsehoods in your humble little comment. I will not dignify them with further response.

      I said good day! 🙂


  8. After Mr. A choked, almost to death after reading my TRUE and HUMBLE account of his untruths, he said I had a miss spell. I asked him if he fixed it and he said “Of course, I didn’t want Olivia Munn’s name spelled wrong!” Nough said!


    1. Yeah, this part is actually true. You misspelled Olivia’s name. I couldn’t abide that.


  9. Love the twitter idea. And, after reading your comments am so glad that my husband does not read my blog. 🙂


    1. Thanks! The Twitter idea really ticked me. Sort of in the vein of the 6 word novels and other things we’ve heard about recently.

      Oh yes. My wife is my biggest fan. And by that I mean she loves to torment me. 🙂


  10. HAHAHAHAHA! I would love to meet your wife. I’m sure she has to be a character to put up with you. 🙂 Yal’l crack me up! I wonder if Judge Judy would be able to tell which one of you is telling the truth?


    1. Well, like I tell my wife, I do reserve the right to take a little “poetic license” from time to time. 🙂


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