Daily Archives: June 21st, 2010

Pull over then put it in D for Dick

No one enjoys having to pull over for an emergency vehicle, right? After all, you are traveling around in your gasoline-powered combustion vehicle on important business.

Dammit! Taco Bell just can’t wait!

Even though you don’t like it, you pull over to the side of the road when you hear the siren and see those flashing lights. Only a super-mega-douchebag wouldn’t. The penalties and humiliation for failure to yield to an emergency vehicle would be quite intense.

So you reluctantly pull over and curse the fates that had the audacity to fuck with your driving. Of course, you wait until the last possible minute.

Then you happen to notice something very, very interesting. All the cars on the road pulled over at the same time. And because you’re at the end of that line, that means that after the emergency vehicle passes you, the cars ahead of you will still be waiting because they haven’t been passed yet.

There are a few precious seconds it takes for the emergency vehicle to pass everyone.

This is it! This is your big chance! Just as soon as the emergency vehicle clears the front of your car, crank that steering wheel hard and punch the gas. Punch it hard. Your goal here is to just barely miss clipping that emergency vehicle with the front of the car. Your skill will be measured in the inches of separation between life and death. Dance on the edge of that precipice and rejoice in the moment.

If you’ve timed things correctly you’ll be in the fast lane and the parked cars ahead of you will be screwed and now they’ll have to wait for you to pass. You did it! You passed all of those other slowpoke losers.

Take a moment and savor your victory. Taste the fruits of sweet driving nirvana.

Congratulations! You are now one of the biggest asshole dicks of all time.