Daily Archives: June 15th, 2010

Don’t fire until you see the whites of their teeth

Imagine that you are surfing your favorite site that offers a free service of some kind. Naturally that means you are being subjected to annoying bullshit advertisements up the ass.

By my calculations about 96 percent of the information you hear in television commercials is false. For all intents and purposes advertising is completely unregulated in the United States. On the internet apparently it’s even worse. My calculations indicate that about 112 percent of the information in online ads is false.

I’ve long since trained myself to avoid looking at online ads. It’s a skill that can be learned and I’m quite proud of it. I feel a certain sense of glee and accomplishment knowing that some idiotic son of bitch wasted his money trying to persuade me to do something contrary to my best interests.

Every once in a while, though, an ad may still catch my eye. This one had the name of my town in the ad copy, which is a sneaky bullshit attempt to make the ad appear more legitimate to me. It read, “Anytown mom discovers the $10.00 secret to white teeth.”

What the hell? Yeah, I live in “Anytown.” How the hell did they know that? I run my computer in private mode, I clean my tracking cookies, I run Ad-Aware and I like to protect myself.

The ad copy localized to my city tells me something has gone awry. Somehow, once again, you’ve bypassed my protection and figured out it’s me. Thanks for the reminder, filthy data miners. Time to scan my system and clean out my system, fuckers.