Good morning, Beer!

Time to wake up!

At one time, a name under consideration for this blog was Wrong Planet. This is because I often walk around saying, “I must have been born on the wrong planet.” I tried to register that name but it was already taken by another blog. (Which has since gone offline.) It turns out that the phrase “wrong planet” has been adopted by the Asperger’s Syndrome community.

Why do I think I’m on the wrong planet? Because I feel so unlike the other humanoid creatures I encounter on a daily basis. The universe must have seriously fucked me over by sending me here. At the earliest opportunity I plan to leave. Maybe I could settle on a secluded planetoid in a restricted neighborhood in the asteroid belt around Jupiter. Perhaps I could do a little homesteading in outer space. Yeah, I could hang with that.

In the meantime, I’m forced to deal with the here and now.

I like to stop at the grocery store at 7:45am on the way to work for a fresh jalapeno and cheese bagel. This morning there was a fidgety looking guy of unkempt appearance loitering around the garbage can by the grocery’s Star Trek doors. As I walked up to the store he pointedly made eye contact and said, “Good morning.” Uh oh, here it comes, I thought. Here comes the pitch. But he didn’t ask for anything and I made it inside. He’ll probably get me on the way out, I figured.

On the way out, though, he again left me alone. I was in my car and getting ready to leave when I realized what was going down. Another guy came out of the store with a small bag of groceries and a case of beer. The beer was quickly transferred to Fidgety Guy who merrily strolled away with a peppy bounce in his step. Ah, the itch has been scratched for one more day. Tomorrow the dance will begin anew.

I assumed I had just witnessed a food stamp transaction. Food stamps can’t be used on cigarettes and beer, so an accomplice (with cash money) is needed. The accomplice is enticed with a 50/50 split of the proceeds for the services rendered, namely purchase of beer using the cash money. The accomplice gets $40 worth of food stamps for groceries and only spends half that on the beer. It’s like a 50 percent discount coupon. A true win-win for everyone.

The junkie (for lack of a better term) is more than willing to bleed half the value of his food stamps in exchange for his fix. Why do I get the feeling that Mr. Fidgety was poppin’ the top on a cold one before he even made it home? Beer on the Wheaties. Truly the breakfast of champions!

I feel for the guy, but I can’t help but wonder: What if marijuana is legalized? Between cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, prescriptions, sugar, fast food and much much more, we are one addictive society. We have an overwhelming desire to intoxicate ourselves. Why do I get the feeling that making another option even more accessible is not going to be a good thing?

4 responses

  1. How about back when it was all legal – pot, heroin, cocaine, you name it. Were we worse off then? Were we able to conduct ourselves in a more civilized manner with legal drugs back 100+ years ago? This is an actual question, cause I really don’t know. Was it a problem (rampant drug use) when the drugs were legal?


    1. I’m currently reading the book “Intoxication.” I think it just might answer some questions like these.


  2. I don’t really mind the marijuana just because I feel that if alcohol is legal, then pot should be too. It’s not lethal the way either cigarette or alcohol are. And I’m NOT a smoker. It’s just that I know some alcoholics, and my own father passed away from lung cancer, so I really do feel that pot is not the big deal here.


    1. Perhaps marijuana is about the same as liquor. Maybe it’s not. Perhaps my bias is that I grew up with liquor but not pot. Perhaps my bias is that I grew up with two parents who smoked their guts out and I was the innocent yet tormented victim of their heinous waste products.

      Whatever. The world may never know.

      I don’t have much of a problem with liquor when it is used properly in moderation. But I find marijuana disgusting. That’s just the way I roll, I guess.

      Alcohol can be fun and tastes good. Mixology and drink making is fun. I find it hard to imagine the same might be true about pot.


Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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