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Behold! I am the self-described Guru of Negativity! I live in an Abyss!
My wife, on the other hand, is a wonderful creature that is not an expert in negativity. In fact, she is downright perky and barely tolerates my existence.
But tonight we had a little “Aha moment.” (To rip a line from a topical TV commercial.)
What are you supposed to do when two people say something at the same time? Yell, “Twix?” Be the first to punch the other in the arm? I don’t know anymore. I no longer remember the traditional social custom for such a circumstance. Even so, we just had one of those moments.
It went down a little something like this:
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
At the exact same moment I said, “Oh shit!” and my wife said, “What the fuck?”
Surprised, we looked at each other and both said, “What did you just say?!?!?”
While we giggled at each other I sent the gerbil to investigate. He came back scared. “Who is it,” I asked.
“Someone selling chocolate. I’m not answering that!“
We had a good giggle and I ended up with five chocolate bars I did not want. Another exciting night in the abyss…
Shouts from the Abyss 
Let me get this straight. It was the gerbil who did the talking? How’d you like to trade that furry little critter for an opinionated pig? FYI – I’m picketing “perky” because that was an attribute my mother thought I should aspire to.
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It was me and the Mrs. who did the Twix. (Or Pepsi. Or whatever it’s called these days). Actually, with access to young minds, isn’t that something you should know? š
The gerbil wouldn’t man up and open the door so I had to do it. Cost me $5, though.
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$5 is a small price to pay to make a poor child laborer happy…(Why isn’t there a law against forcing kids to support their own after-school activities by selling overpriced chocolate/magazines that nets the team/school a fraction of the sale price? There are laws against everything else.) Could you have gotten away with buying only one chocolate bar? Which is worse, saying no to chocolate altogether or looking cheap by buying only one? These are the issues I regularly deal with as my office window overlooks the front door and is hard to escape the salesperson’s notice without crawling under the windows. I would never do that!
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Who the hell sells chocolate this close to a holiday where you get mouth-fucked by chocolate? That is a bad business strategy…
Now, selling insulin shots on the other hand…
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Oh yes, our house is knee deep in what I call vegetarian nirvana. We have chocolate coming out of our gills. Still, it was for the local high school and she was nice (and out in the rain) so I kicked her a fiver.
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Was she hot? What did I tell you about buying candy from hot underage girls? You that eager to meet Chris Hanson again?
Shouts… could you please come over here and take a seat with me…
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She appeared to be shaking, probably suffering the effects of iPhone withdrawal for having to interact with a real person. Well, actually that is rather doubtful. After all, it was me she was talking to. But no doubt she met a real person somewhere else in the neighborhood before slunking down the slimy stairs to the guest entrance of the abyss.
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1, 2, 3, jinx! You owe me a Coke! š
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So that’s how it works! Who knew? š
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Well, Cathy, I only had a $5 bill and didn’t feel like making her break it. So five candybars it turned out to be. š
Also, I didn’t actually give her $5. I mean, I did get something of value in return. I’d guess those candybars were worth about 20 cents each, so I really only gave her $4. š
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[…] Post: Someone’s knocking at the door […]
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