Daily Archives: March 17th, 2010

Evony can eat my … you guessed it

News flash! The above is an advertisement for an online multi-player game. If you’ve spent any time at all on a thing known as the “internet” then you’ve no doubt had countless images like the one above shoved in your face.

Consider it the internet version of a lap dance.

Curiosity finally got the better of me – like it often does – and I went to check out those boobies.

Here we see an actual screen shot from the game. As you can see, and as far as I can tell, it has absolutely nothing to do with boobies.

So what is Evony? When you strip down (pun intended) the window dressing it is basically an online multi-player version of Civilization. YAWN!!!

The game play features actual simulated farming??? No wonder they had to sex it up.

You can learn more about criticisms of their advertising campaign and how they’ve hassled a blogger with a “cease and desist” letter by reading the Wikipedia page about this game.

Save the “best by” dates

Make the first incision at the anus then use scissors to bisect the patty equally

My grocery store tried to fuck me yesterday. Luckily I was on my toes and was able to leap out of the way.

My wife’s shopping list had, among other things, something known as “mushroom broth.” Against all odds I was able to find this item in the store – and all by myself! Beaming with pride I grabbed a box and tossed it in my basket.

Later, wandering the store, I happened to check the date of another item, this time “heavy cream.” It’s a milk product so it seemed natural to check the date. Then it occurred to me, maybe it would be a good idea to check the dates on all my items.

Yep. You guessed it. The box of mushroom broth was a bad boy. The “current” date was Mar. 16, 2010. The box said “best by Nov. 7, 2009.” Argh! That was over four months ago!!! Bastards.

I went back and checked the rest of the boxes of mushroom broth. Every single box remaining said “best by Sep. 2, 1010.” Just my luck to be the idiot to grab the only bad box on the shelf. It must have been a special delivery for the abyss. Ha ha, suckers! You missed me … this time.

They must leave the out of date item on the shelf in the hopes of snaring an unmindful idiot like me. Lucky for me I wised up, because rotted mushroom juice doesn’t sound that appetizing.

Tiger is the Masters

Showing the patience of a saint, class, humility, dignity and style, Tiger Woods sat out a grand total of zero Masters tournaments before announcing his return. This is, of course, exactly as predicted by yours truly deep down here in the bowels of the abyss.

It was way back on Dec. 11th that Woods announced he’d take an “indefinite break” from golf to try to save his marriage. As if we needed additional evidence of exactly how much worth he places on that sacred institution.

For those who study calendars, the grand total of that “indefinite break” turned out to be about four months. Shit! Who can even remember that far back? That’s a whole whopping one-third of a year. Our memories can only go back so far, ya know?

No doubt Woods believes that the quicker he gets back into play the quicker the public’s collective memory will fade.

He probably has publicity strategists planning his every move.

Here’s a piece of free publicity advise for Mr. Woods: Keep Mr. Winky in his frickin’ cage!

Tiger, I’m available for consultations at my standard ten percent rate if you need more, and I think we all know you do.

Blog the insanity!

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
–Albert Einstein

It normally happens a few times a day. It’s a fairly common occurrence but even so we don’t normally notice it that much. For those of us who work and/or play on a computer we may even have developed a blind spot for it that we don’t even know we have.

You click something on your computer and nothing happens. In spite of Einstein’s brilliant definition above, you wait a second or two (an eternity in computer terms) and then click that something again. And again.

Here’s the frustrating thing: Maybe on the second or third click it suddenly and miraculously works in complete and utter disregard for Einstein’s wisdom.

Einstein was wrong! But then again, I don’t think he ever met a computer. On a computer doing the same thing over and over again can (and often does) produce different results.

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