Daily Archives: February 13th, 2010

Michael Vick’s Hail Mary to Atlanta

File this one in the, “Wow. All I can say is, wow!” department.

When we last heard from our hero The Vick he was courageously accepting an award from his teammates recognizing his tremendous “courage.”

On Feb. 10th Vick told an Atlanta radio station that during his time with the Atlanta Falcons he had been “complacent” and “lazy” and that he “settled for mediocrity.”


Game, set, match. Or touchdown. Or whatever. Take that, Atlanta. Your move, creep. While Vick was supposed to be the “future” of the franchise he was complacent, lazy and mediocre. Nicely done. I guess the animal cruelty stuff was just the sprinkles on top.

Also, Vick’s reality TV show premiered earlier this month on Feb. 2nd. “The Michael Vick Project,” a 10-episode docu-series, is airing every Tuesday at 10 p.m. on BET. If you are simply too busy to go through the hassle of selling your soul to the devil then be sure to tune in. The show is an method of arranging your own self-service purgatory before cashing your ticket for a bus ride to Hell. Personally I’d at least attempt to leverage a fiddle made of gold out of the deal, but that’s just me.

Potpourri miscellany

Image Source: Mike Gonzalez

Just some random shouts from the abyss:

Some Google Tricks

Want to know the value of one percent of $890 billion? Try figuring it out with pencil and paper, a calculator or even a spreadsheet. The zeros and commas might drive you nuts! Instead, go to Google and search for: “what is 1% of 890 billion”

The answer, by the way, is $8.9 billion.

Of course, another thing you could easily do is leave out the zeros. Multiple 890 (which represents the $890 billion) by .01 (which represents the one percent) and you get the same answer, 8.9. (Which is in billions because of the number we started with.) Or simply take 890 and move the decimal point two places to the left to get 8.90. So many fun ways to go! 🙂

Another fun thing Google can do is convert things for you, like Fahrenheit to Celsius: “what is 45f in celsius”

Answer: about 7.2 degrees

Metric system got you confused? Google can handle that, too: “what is 1 quart in liters”

Answer: 1 US quart = 0.946352946 liters

As far as I know, Bing doesn’t do any of this stuff yet.

Gerbil Tip of the Day

Did you ever look at a bottle of booze and think, “Really? That’s all that’s left?” If a gerbil has been around you have to wonder, did the gerbil or one of his herd get into this bottle? You never can know for sure, and of course direct questioning only results with fervent denials followed by the gerbil leaving the premises by angrily slamming the door. (Not necessarily a bad outcome.)

So we have taken to the practice of hiding the most drinkable liquor in the master bath closet. Also hidden are treats for movie night like M&Ms, Hershey Kisses, etc.

A Tight Spot

Question for you business owners out there: What’s the last thought you want running through my mind as I park my car and walk into your place of business?

That’s right! You want me to be thinking, “Damn I hate these bastards for these tiny ass parking spaces.”

Seriously. They want my money but they don’t give the remotest flying shit about my ride? That sucks.

Suggestion: Make the parking space lines more than six inches wider than your average car width. It might cost you a couple of spaces, ya know, but on the other hand you won’t be actively aggravating the piss out of your customers. You only get one chance to make that first impression.

A Precious Human Life

Mrs. Abyss surprised me last night by throwing down a challenge. Her challenge is for me to read the following every morning first thing when I get up from my bed of nails:

Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it, I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

H.H. the XIV Dalai Lama

Naturally I have accepted her challenge. I have to wonder if this is an attempt to “cure” my negativity. She also claims that I have not been living by the text that I have accepted as my atheist mission statement.

My Wife is not the Hip Hop / R&B / Jam Band known as “Mrs. Abyss”

Curious about all of the incoming traffic for the phrase “mrs abyss” I went and searched the net. What I found was a MySpace page for a band called “Mrs. Abyss” from Detroit, Michigan.

I can reveal this much: That is not my wife. So that clears up that mystery. 🙂

I may have to find some new way to identify my wife when I talk about her behind her back on the blog.

What a Load of Garbage. Not.

Wow. We’ve been doing really good on our garbage this year. By that I mean that most garbage days so far we’ve only had one sad lonely solitary bag to go in our garbage can for pickup. For some reason that tickles me so much. Earlier this week it was garbage day and we didn’t even have a single bag ready to go. Woot!

Happy Alligator Valentine’s Day / Where’s the Beef?

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day. It’s also our three-month anniversary for being vegetarians. It’s hard to believe we only started this back in November. Some time earlier than that, back when I was still carnivorous, we visited Henry’s Louisiana Grill in Acworth, Georgia, and I was feeling adventurous and ordered the hot chili alligator. My memory ain’t what it used to be but the menu tells me it was “flash fried then tossed in Chinese hoisin and topped with remoulade.” Mmm, that gator was sure good.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ll still be vegetarian a year from now. I’m not sure to what extreme I really want to take this, but I have been enjoying the journey and the challenge of it so far.