Sexpresso: What part of ho don’t you understand?

Lookin' for a little coffee on girl action, honey?

If you thought fresh coffee spilled in your lap was enough to make you hot then get a load of this! Sexpresso. Say it with me. Sexpresso. The word just rolls off the tongue.

Sexpresso has been around for a while, but apparently it’s still too new for Wikipedia. No “sexpresso” page yet. I think this would be a rewarding project. Anyone want to help me publish one? Maybe launching a new Wikipedia page is my calling for 2010. I just knew I was going to do something significant for humanity this year. πŸ™‚

Sexpresso is the term for a coffee stand that promotes a risque motiff featuring scantily clad baristas. Up in the Pacific Northwest drive-thru coffee stands are ubiquitous. Who knew that paying $3.25 for a cup of coffee could ever become such a booming business? The competition is fierce and sexpresso is a practice that started somewhere in the vicinity of Seattle, Washington, as one way to stand out from the crowd.

My town doesn’t have any sexpresso stands, but I’ve heard that it’s just your regular overpriced coffee served up by cute young women who may or may not have some coffee making skills who want to make fast money. The “barista” pictured on the left says she makes more in tips then she ever did as a waitress working at Hooters. (Click the image for the story.) They grow up so fast, don’t they?

I wonder if I wore a bikini to work if I’d make more in tips? Hmmm. Dammit, where is the outrage about my glass ceiling!

Sexpresso is popular. Bill Geist from CBS Sunday Morning even did a story about it way back in 2007. And it seems it has gotten bigger and bolder and sassier and slutier since then.

What do you like with your coffee? A little cream and sugar. PassΓ©! Shots of Irish creme or Kahlua? Come on! Whiskey? Get real!

These days the proper accoutrements for your morning shot of joe are a bit more sophisticated. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that these sexpresso baristas have been pushing things to the limit as the competition heats up. The oldskool approach was to lean in on the customer when handing over the beverage to provide a few choice seconds of a maximized cleavage shot, just a quick bit of harmless fun that really enlarged the size of tips. (Heh.)

These days, though, cleavage is for wimps. How about a “booty shake” with your coffee? Or a pole dance? Yes, a stripper pole in a coffee stand. Wow. Other types of behavior that have been reported at some sexpresso stands: Boobie flashes, tramp-stamped baristas licking whipped cream from each others bodies, and posing nude for pictures. Come to think of it, I do like overpriced coffee after all!

The city of Everett, Washington, and Snomish County, Washington, have already enacted laws that treat sexpresso stands as adult businesses. On Tuesday, January 19th, the City Council in Yakima, Washington, voted 4-3 instructing city lawyers to draft new regulations to treat sexpresso stands as adult businesses. (Read the story here.)

Why does there always have to be a Scrooge? πŸ™‚

8 responses

  1. I remember hearing about these places on some food network special

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  2. I have never heard of this. But then, I am a bit sheltered. Thanks for the education!

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    1. My pleasure. You should attend my class “Things That Make Me Hot” to learn about coffee, baristas and much, much more! πŸ™‚

      Seriously, if you’ve ever been to the Pacific Northwest you’ll be amazed by the number of coffee stands. It’s weird!

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  3. Reblogged this on Shouts from the Abyss and commented:

    Once again, my blog proved to be prescient. I don’t want to brag, but hubba hubba. How many social phenomenon have I called out in advance? A veritable plethora, methinks. This time, back on Jan. 27, 2010, I lamented the lack of a “Sexpresso” page on Wikipedia. Lo and behold, the “Bikini barista” page was created a mere 1-1/2 months later! Am I good or what? The odds of that being a coincidence are small. I think someone from Wikipedia must read my blog. I think I’ll celebrate with a hot, steamy cup of ho.

    Link Ho The Day: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bikini_barista

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  4. I’ll pass on the bikini baristas, but perhaps some male exotic dancers? I’d consider it.

    As for me … well … they’d pay me to keep everything covered! πŸ˜‰

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    1. Paying to stay covered? Let’s call that Nextpresso. πŸ™‚

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  5. Makes a father (if he is still in the picture) proud that is daughter is taken her assets (yes, it’s a weak pun and intended) to make a living in the beautiful Pacific NW. Did you see the story a few weeks back about the Bikini barista/sex ring bust? And one of those stands was here in dear old Kent, Washington! I am soooo proud of my community!

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