Back in 1993 I wrote about my trip to Walmart after my previous employer gave me the ever-so thoughtful gift of a $50 Walmart card in lieu of a Christmas bonus. (I since reposted that bit of text on this new blog.)
As John McLane is wont to say, “How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean, I know we’re dummies up here, McClane, so give us a little taste of your brilliant genius! I mean, you talking about a hijacking, a robbery or what?”
“Somebody’s about to seriously fuck with this employee!”
Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas. Yep, it happened again. The Ghost of Christmas Past dropped by and had a little bit of holiday cheer for me. A $50 Walmart gift card. Oh noes, not again!
At the Christmas party, Mrs. Abyss was in attendance and is an eyewitness, our manager explained we were lucky to have our jobs and we were also lucky that hours hadn’t been cut, right before giving us the gift of a Walmart card. Like I told Mrs. Abyss, even a $50 Walmart card is better than nothing or a kick in the face. But all in all it mostly just offended us.
Why a gift card? Why not a nice crisp $50 bill that we can spend and use any way we want? Why tie the strings on our “gift?” I fucking hate gift cards. And it’s for a store I fucking hate. How … thoughtful.
So I found myself at the local Walmart. No, unlike before, I won’t turn it into a short story. I’ll just concisely say that I picked up two bags of cat food, a container of kitty litter and a bottle of Pine Sol. As I loaded up on these “gifts” I’m sure that nearby shoppers could pick up the sound of me singing my favorite holiday refrain: “Merry Christmas to me.“
Shouts from the Abyss 
When will people learn that when they tell you how lucky you are for something, you probably already know they’re lying.
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I hate gift cards, too! I hate them even for stores where I normally shop. I love cash. Yes, nothing says Merry Christmas like a crisp bill in a nice high denomination! (I’m quite serious!) I’m sure your boss doesn’t get a discount on the Walmart gift cards, so I don’t understand why he doesn’t give you cash. It’s so much easier, too. Maybe he gets some kind of tax write-off, though. There has to be some angle.
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Oh wow, the tax deduction! That is it exactly.
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You know, I think you must be right. Brilliant! He doesn’t do anything unless there is some angle in it for him.
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He has a receipt for all those gift cards.
Evil geniuses are transparent to Catherine.
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Yuck. That kind of reminds me of the scene in Christmas vacation when the Griswold’s don’t get the bonus they expected. I know a bonus is, just that, a bonus. But like you said – why not a 50 dollar bill then? Especially, where there are people out there that don’t shop at Walmart. Couldn’t he still get the tax deduction if it were cash?
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