Not too long ago I “won” some Starbucks VIA instant coffee. My wife entered us in a “contest” and we received a call we had won something. We drove 30 miles to the nearest Starbucks and learned our prize was three individual packets of something called Starbucks VIA. I estimated we spent about $8 in gas to get our prize worth a couple of bucks. This is why I don’t like winning things.

So what is this VIA stuff, anyway? It is instant coffee. Never in danger of not hyping their own stuff, Starbucks praise for their own product is legendary. “Full Starbucks flavor in an instant,” their web site promises. Flavor that’s just so yummingly good that you’ll put it in recipes like “shakes, cakes and even steaks.” Shakes and cakes sounds standard enough but steaks? Now they’ve gone too far!

With temperatures at the office hovering around 14 degrees, I finally relented and broke into my cache of winnings and made myself a cup. Here are my impressions.

It’s instant coffee. Meh. No orgasm in my mouth or anything like that. As far as I could tell it was fairly okay as far as instant coffees go. It is worth 83 cents a serving? (A box of 12 packets is $9.95.) Meh. That seems a little high.

The packets themselves are oh-s0-super-trendy but somewhat annoying. I can’t see any reason for the odds shaped packaging except for trendiness and wanting to be oh-so-different than everyone else. The most annoying thing, though, is that every single time I’ve tried this stuff, the product has what I can only describe as “static cling” and does not easily pour out of the packet. I have to tap it and dig at it with a utensil as the product stubbornly clings to the packaging as if screaming, “I’m not ready to be boiled in hot liquid yet!!”

I’m not sure I grok the name “VIA,” either. What kind of name is that for coffee? Why not InstaBucks or something like that? :p

So there it is. Yet another useful and romantic product review.