Daily Archives: October 22nd, 2009

iPhone app for obliviots: HangTime

iPhone? Why, phone?We already know you are dumb. You bought an iPhone. You get all excited about touching it and entwining your sense of self with it. Good for you.

Now comes along an iPhone app that blows iFart completely out of the water. At last, a way to show with true style and flair that your stupidity is unparalleled.

The app I’m talking about is HangTime. Now, get this, the purpose of this app is to calculate how high you can throw your iPhone up in the air.

Damn, I’m already feeling it. I think I’m going to organize a HangTime tournament. Grand prize will be a block of cheese. BYOIP, of course.

Seriously, people, what’s the point? We’re supposed to be the species that makes other species extinct. Then we go and pull something like this.

I went to the Apple “AppStore” web site, strange and unfamiliar territory for me, and searched for “HangTime.” It resulted in no hits. Either I searched wrong or, more likely, Apple doesn’t want people smashing their iPhones to bits. That would put a little damper on the sale of iPhone apps, wouldn’t it?

Me breaky phone. Me no buy app. Whaa.

Avery Dennison can eat my ass!

Avery iconI had a little problem with my Avery product, namely the White Two-Side Printable Clean Edge Business Cards. The template wouldn’t place my print job in the correct location on the cards, which was annoying.

I went through all sorts of tests and experiments and solutions but nothing worked. It was a pretty helpless feeling.

Thinking about it, I realized I had an HP computer that was running Microsoft Windows operating system running Microsoft Word software connected to my Brother printer that was trying to process Avery business cards. The big question: Which one of this links in that overly complicated chain was the bastard responsible for my prints not coming out correctly?

One thing I tried was downloading software from the Avery.com web site. That didn’t fix the problem, either.

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The best Styx song you’ve never heard

Just a little musical interlude. One of my favorite songs by the rock group Styx. Some of you may have heard this, but I’ll bet most of you haven’t.

Gutless suicide tshirts: I’m an abortion doctor!

Abortion doctor tshirtWanting to commit suicide but you just don’t got the guts? Check out my new line of “I’m an abortion doctor!” tshirts.

These babies are guaranteed easy to use, too. Just don the shirt and get out in public just as often as you possibly can. Sooner or later nature will take its course. Much, much classier and sophisticated than suicide by cop!

Hurry! Supplies are limited and if abortion gets included in the Obama health plan our prices will be going up. Way up!

Credit shouts: Tshirt image generated using the Custom TShirt Generator.