Daily Archives: October 14th, 2009

Rise of the incestuous pumpkin

PumpkinsEver write and waste a throwaway-line as a comment on someone else’s blog? Then, once it’s too late realize, “Hey. That was actually not that bad. I wish I’d saved that for myself.”

I call takebacks.

My fellow blogger Blurt had a very nicely written piece entitled Hey, Pumpkin today. I liked the post so much I came up with a little joke about the word “pumpkin” when commenting. I wrote the line myself, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I wasn’t the first to come up with it. The internet tends to quash that feeling pretty quick. Any idea you could possibly have has already probably been done umpteen times. Still, that doesn’t mean someone new can’t come along and rewrite the same thing in a new way without cheating.

Anyway, here’s what I had to say about pumpkins.

To me, to unravel the real mystery about pumpkin, you have to get down to the etymology of the word.

The word is comprised of two parts: Pump and kin. “Pump” is a euphemism for sex and “kin” means “relatives.”

ZOMG! Ew!!!

Well, at least I thought it was good. If you don’t like it you can kiss my pumpkins! Hurmph!

Know your enemy: obliviots get asses kicked

French warshipI’m proud to present two recent stories, variations on a similar theme, about pieces of shit making really dumb ass decisions and facing INSTANT JUSTICE of the most satisfying kind.

Story One:

Two assholes were out on the town when they spotted a couple of transvestites walking down the street. Being the dimwitted prejudiced punk bitches that they were, they decided to beat up the men in drag just for the hell of it. They were in for a little shock though, when they discovered that the men weren’t transvestites after all. They were cage fighters on their way to hang out and had dressed up in women’s clothes because they wanted to do “something different.”

Suffice it to say the would-be thugs got served a satisfying can of whoop ass. Big time. Then the cage fighters picked up their handbags and continued on their way.

These dudes are the worst kind of scum, picking on someone just because of how they looked, and they got what they deserved. And the fight was caught on video, too.

Story Two:

People in the United States are so smug about certain things. One of those is that the French are considered pussies. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Some Americans confuse a difference of opinion as weakness but in reality the French have been bad ass throughout history and are still bad ass to this day. I know this because I took three years of french and ate my share of snails.

Those friggin’ Somalia pirates made a big mistake the other day when they mistook a French military vessel as a commercial vessel and opened fire. France was in waters 600 miles off the coast of Somalia conducting anti-piracy operations. No French personnel were injured in the attack. The military vessel, the BCR Somme, gave chase and captured one of the two attacking boats. Those pirates sure looked like pussies giving up. In my opinion the French should have deep-sixed those friggin’ assholes. Instead they’ll be “arrested” and treated way more civilly than they deserve.

From what I hear the Somalia overlords who are behind piracy attacks have made a lot of ransom money, which is why the attacks continue. It would certainly be quite easy to identify them in a country that is dirt poor. I don’t understand why they just don’t drop in some smart bombs on those motherfuckers.

In any case, that’s two similar stories within the last week of justice served cold and in instantaneous fashion. You sure made some bad moves, creeps. Too bad all cases of thuggery can’t come to such satisfying conclusions!