Happy holidays! We’re closed! Now eat us!

Sorry we're closedWell whoopie. Another bonus tier-2 blog post.

I had to run to the bank yesterday to handle a wee emergency. It seems my checking account only had 42 cents in it. Oops. But that’s another story.

Luckily the bank has this fancy new ATM machine so I was able to grab some cash from a different bank’s ATM then deposit the cash to my bank’s ATM. I have to admit that worked pretty neat. Even though the damn thing was made by Diebold. But that’s another story.

While working the ATM a nice lady came up and asked, “Do you know if the bank is open today?”

I told her, “Well, I didn’t get any mail today. It’s Columbus Day. I’m sure the banks are closed, too. I hope this here ATM can give you what you need.”

She laughed. “I seriously doubt that.”

Three things struck me about the conversion. First, keep your trap shut when I’m working the ATM machine. This is private space. Second, it seems lots of people are taken surprise by some of the lesser holidays. Third, Columbus Day? Really? What a shitty reason for a holiday. I guess if I got the day off, too, I wouldn’t mind it half as much.

I got back in my car and was about to split the scene when I saw an obliviot wandering through the parking lot, a place where you can typically find cars and things, intently reading some paperwork while walking towards the main doors of the bank.

I have places I need to be, but this was too good. I decided to spend the time to watch. Yep, sure enough, Mr. Einstein makes his way to the front door, notices the front door, ignores the big sign announcing Columbus Day that had been taped there, and tries to open the door. “NGGH!” I imagine he grunts as he pulls on the handle in vain. I’ll be damned. It didn’t open. The look of utter surprise on his face was priceless. Then, just for good measure, he went ahead and tried the door a few more times, I guess just in case this was only a test holiday or something.

It’s bullshit that some lazy assholes got a day off while I still have to work all because of a guy who was responsible for genocide hundreds of years ago, but that obliviot moment made up for it. I laughed my ass off.

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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