Love it or leave it, Constitution style

There’s Something About Mormonism

Today I’m going to tackle the sensitive and topical subject of Mormonism. In contrast to my usual style, I will attempt to do so without sarcasm and snark. I’m going to attempt to be serious.

Note: Within the context of this post, for convenience, the term “Mormonism” will be used interchangeably with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Why think about Mormonism? Why now? I think, mostly, the answer to that is Mitt Romney. He’s a serious candidate for president and, like every candidate before him, his religious views get put under a microscope and become a topic for discussion.

Vows, marriage and slavery

When I saw the headline that Mitt Romney had refused to sign a “marriage vow” it immediately got my attention. Did this mean he was going to actually support gay marriage, or if not (and more likely) at least not stand opposed?

A group called “The Family Leader” produced and circulated a document called “The Marriage Vow” that they hoped presidential candidates would sign. In addition to many other things, it asks candidates to support a federal Marriage Amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would define marriage as between one man and one woman throughout the United States.

Mitt Romney declined to sign the vow. So far, so has Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich, Gary Johnson, and Jon Huntsman.

So who did sign? Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum.

Perhaps if the document was limited solely to dealing with marriage issues more would have signed it.

Weirdly, it introduces the issue of race and slavery into the mix. As you might expect, that has created a shitstorm of controversy. What could slavery possibly have to do with a discussion about the definition of “marriage” here in the year 2011?

The original version of the document is quick to point out (in the very first bullet point) that “a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent-household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”

One thing seems certain, at least to me. Some people sure seem to sit around and think a lot about race. An awful lot.

So, what’s their point? That has been the subject of much speculation since this document was released. (Note: The group has since published the “final” version of The Marriage Vow and the bullet point pertaining to slavery has mysteriously disappeared.)

Their factoid about slavery and 1860 may be true, but even if it is, what relevance does that have to a discussion about the definition of marriage in the here and now? It’s not like going back in time to 1860 is possible, right?

Also, it is intellectually dishonest to cherry-pick a single fact to prove that something was better than it is now. Only a complete viewpoint can do that. We have to ask ourselves: Were children born as slaves in 1860 better off than children born to unwed parents since 2008? If anyone answers “yes” to that question, I think it is fair to ask, just what in the name of hell are they advocating.

The fight against gay marriage can sure take some weird twists and turns.

The Little Business License That Couldn’t – Father/Son Edition

This was supposed to be yesterday’s post but was preempted by our breaking Rapture coverage. We now join our regularly scheduled post already in progress…

In some cultures when an elder passes away, it’s often equated to the loss of a “library.”

Gone with the elder is a lifetime of stories, knowledge and experience. The elder will live on, though, if those stories have been passed down to others in the community.

—

My boss is the owner of the small business where I work. He decided it would be a good idea to help his 16-year-old son start a business, too. Lord, you should see how he swells up with pride at the thought of his son becoming a capitalistic entrepreneur, a money-grubbing reader of the Wall Street Journal like himself.

For newbie readers of the blog, here are a few things you should know as way of introduction to my boss that should help you digest this post. Like my last boss, he holds himself up as a paragon of Christianity. That’s all well and good, at least until the hypocrisy kicks in. Both have, for example, fraudulent pictures of their retail stores on their websites, a peculiar commonality to be sure. Both of them took random pictures of buildings where their stores had never been located and photoshopped the name of their business onto the photos. And did a shitty job of it, too. Then comically and laughably put those images up on their ecommerce websites.

What are the odds of working for two assholes like that? And one right after the other? Am I lucky or what?

The last boss did it because everything about his business was a lie. The new boss did it to prove to suppliers that he has a retail location or else they wouldn’t sell him product. (He doesn’t.)

They have other things in common, too. Like lying on their websites about products being “in stock.” The argument here is, “Once you get their money, you can usually talk them into something else. Above all else, keep that money!” Note that the customer’s actual needs don’t factor into this equation.

The new boss goes a little further with his elaborate house of cards and lies. That’s because he’s been “blacklisted” by manufacturers of the products he sells because he breaks their rules. So he establishes dummy companies with fake identities and has mail drops across the country so he can keep buying from the places where he’s been blacklisted.

“I’m a good Christian and a good person who’s saved. I’m going to heaven and you’re going to hell. And I break the shit out of commandments like ‘thou shall not lie’ based on my own wants and justifications. Most people like me believe the ends justifies the means.”

It’s always touching when father and son meet and come together in precious family moments. There they were in the office working together on the new ecommerce business which was going to be remarkably similar to the existing one. Just a different flavor of widgets from the product catalog. There they were, as father and son, discussing business names, logos, products, websites, and more. Aye, so touching. It brings a wee tear to me eye.

It was decided that the son’s company would use one of the boss’ existing suppliers. Now this is a bit interesting. With this supplier there’s a woman who is our account manager. The boss has worked hard to cultivate his relationship with this woman. It’s a tactic to get good deals and ply her for information. To this end he frequently checks in with her on the phone, faking sincerity, cracking jokes and demonstrating his most impressive business acumen. (Excuse me while I go projectile vomit.)

He even went so far as to meet her at the industry convention in Las Vegas where they had a meeting and she bought him dinner. Yes, he’s a true player extraordinaire.

The point is that his relationship with this woman and his supplier is very important to him. For his own selfish reasons, of course. And it’s something he’s rather proud of.

He got the supplier on the horn to establish an account for his son’s new venture. That company would need its own account for buying things. And he was told by this woman he has befriended that part of the process was that a business license would have to be submitted.

At last! The heart of the matter.

You see, a business license from the city would cost money. And, above all else, the boss (just like my last one) is a freakin’ tightwad. This presented quite the quandary. It’s basically “I want something but I don’t want to spend the money to get it.” What to do? What to do?

Photoshop to the rescue! The boss put his arm around his son, grabbed his business license, and the download of knowledge from one generation to the next was about to begin! “What we need,” he explained wisely, “is to photoshop this document so it looks like it’s yours. It just needs to look real enough that they’ll accept it.”

Look carefully at what's coming out of my ass, son. Do what I do then you will be successful in business.

It’s another touching Hallmark moment between father and son! Quick! Somebody get me a Lifesaver! [sniff]

@shoutabyss
Tom B. Taker

Ah. Tradition! The boss is helping his son start a company. Teaching him the basics like how to forge a business license in Photoshop.
May 16, 2011

And so the son earnestly went to work, hunched over his computer, original document in hand, his nose to the photoshop. And I have to admit. He did a good job. A damn good job. When he was done he had a fraudulent document that would even fool me.

The apple had not fallen far from the tree.

The fraudulent document was sent to the supplier and all was well with the world. Just another successful day of “business” in capitalist America.

Until…

The boss got a call from his supplier friend. It seemed there was a minor problem with the document he had sent. You see, she took the extra step of calling the city to verify the document’s authenticity. It seems that – somehow – the city had no record of that business!

Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Eat that, motherfucker!!!!!!!

Sometimes even I have to admit – positive things can happen in this world! Truly they can! Verily I say unto you!

So yeah, that’s the way this story goes down. The boss took a powerful shit on the relationship with the supplier he had tried so hard to cultivate. I guess you could say this is where “What I want” meets “reality.” I have to admit, it was quite a refreshing moment. It almost makes life worth living to be able to witness moments like this.

He basically told her: I don’t respect you. You are dumb enough to fall for this. I am not trustworthy and I lie to you.

That woman must be an angel! I’d like to buy her a beer!

Is the boss contrite? Did he fess up and apologize? Has he learned his lesson? Any regret or remorse for what he’s done? Of course not! He acts as if nothing happened. The only emotion he’s expressed is irritation at getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

The end of the story is that the boss went to the city and forked over the money for a real business license and sent that real document on to the supplier. They are now considering his “application” and taking their sweet time, too. Ha ha ha!

Where do assholes comes from? The answer isn’t that surprising. They are carefully handcrafted by existing assholes. Great assholes aren’t born – they’re made.

Let us write some Bible

I’m over a year late on my coverage of this story. Sorry. I just heard about it for the first time.

This is a story that originally broke in Jan. 2010. It’s about a defense contractor that makes rifle scopes used by U.S. soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan with references to Bible verses stamped on the scopes. (Disclosure: Wikipedia reports that the company has since discontinued the practice.)

Chapter 4, verse 6 of the Second Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians reads: “For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

So take that, scumbags! We fight on behalf of Jesus Christ. We are holy soldiers.

[The] verse is rendered on tiny letters on the the scopes, made by Wixom, Michigan-based Trijicon, as “2COR4:6″ referring to chapter 4, verse 6 of the Second Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians. Source.

The defense contractor, Trijicon, “has a $660 million multi-year contract to provide up to 800,000 sights to the Marine Corps, and additional contracts to provide sights to the U.S. Army,” ABC News reported.

According to Wikipedia, Trijicon is one of the “Top 100 Contractors Report on the Federal Procurement Data System lists the top one hundred defense contractors by sales to the United States military.”

Trijicon also likes their religious beliefs. I found this on their official web site this morning:

Morality
We believe that America is great when its people are good. This goodness has been based on biblical standards throughout our history and we will strive to follow those morals.

Seriously. Who dares to claim the lines between church and state and religion and our military are blurred. Ridiculous!

Trijicon is an American company, based in Wixom, Michigan, that manufactures and distributes optical sighting devices for firearms, including pistols, rifles, and shotguns. They specialize in self-luminous optics and night sights, mainly using the slightly radioactive isotope tritium, light-gathering fiber optics, and batteries. Source.

We make shit that kills people. Praise the Lord!

Long story short, I figured that stuff about “light” was way too tame for a company like Trijicon. We’re talking about exploding someone’s fucking skull with a bullet from 600 to 1,000 yards away. (That’s more than one-third of a mile.) I think we can do better. That’s when I had my idea: A Trijicon biblical writing contest!

“Light upon my scope, oh Lord, grant me the strength for my aim to be steady and true, to smite and vaporize the head of my enemy, in your name.”

“Blessed are the children that spake the Lord’s name with itchy trigger finger, that they shall deliver death unto He most high and behold His kingdom and glory.”

How are your writing skills? Can you improve on these and come up with some of your own? It’s not every day you get to update the Bible!

A Thanksgiving Layoff

No need to be coy this time and bury the lead. The subject line gives it all away.

A friend I left behind at the shithole company where I used to work got laid off on November 24, 2010 – also known as The Day Before Thanksgiving.

Seems like something ripped right out of the pages of A Christmas Carol, doesn’t it? That’s the risk you run when you work for Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge at Acme Widgets Corporation.

As frequently happens, however, the story doesn’t quite end there. Oh no, not by a long shot. The company always finds a way to fuck with you further and this case is no exception.

A brief recap on the place I used to work. I call the place the Shithole and my job title was “whore.”

Two of us were hired almost six years ago. Me and my friend who I will call Montgomery. We were hired in the same week.

Due to the amazing employee turnover rate, it wasn’t long until we were both the “old timers,” the longest serving employees at the company. In fact, earlier this year, we were both recognized for five years of service with an offer we couldn’t refuse.

Whenever the office threw parties (for lame birthday events or the rare employee recognition) the boss would get all soft and emotional and talk about how we were a “family.” All of us employees, of course, took extreme umbrage at such a sentiment. We took it as a severe insult. It was just too incongruous with the way we were treated which made it a totally empty word.

Montgomery was a good worker. He was the best salesperson and had a natural rapport with customers. They’d frequently stop by and ask for him by name. Like the rest of us he was forced to wear many hats. He could work phones, front office, the sales floor, and had a lot of institutional knowledge that was unknown to the rest of us. His primary duties for the last few years, though, were shipping, receiving and inventory.

I thought it was pretty amazing to watch him work. He had a routine for everything. He ran the shipping department like a well-oiled machine. Minor details like how he turned the tape around so it wouldn’t stick to itself made it clear that he put a lot of thought into what he did.

Recently, though, he had fallen out of favor with the higher-ups. We all hated the way we were treated, but he was one of the few that would talk back about it. (In my case I went passive-aggressive and got revenge in other ways, and I also channeled those feelings into my blog lest I explode.) He’d often end up in the boss’s office for 2-3 hour meetings where he said the things that the rest of us only fantasized about.

It wasn’t much of a surprise, then, when he ended up #1 on management’s hit list.

The entire operation, not counting the owners, was four employees and an office manager (who was not one of us). Near the end several of us began to suspect that a psychological war was being waged against us to induce us to quit. At times I was convinced it was true, and other times I felt I was just being paranoid. (The entire time I was constantly looking for work, though.) In Montgomery’s case I guess it turned out to be true.

When Montgomery was laid off, they gave him a “rehire” date so he could collect unemployment for a month. That was actually a nice gesture. If it sounds too good to be true, though, then what gives? Turns out they want him “on call” for production work as needed. If they ever call him and he can’t come in, that will end his unemployment. In other words, even after being let go, he’s still under their control and at their beck and call. As always, only the needs of the company matter. Fuck the “family” members.

What has happened since I left is that Montgomery was laid off. They cut hours for the other two employees. And they gave more hours to the office manager. And they still call in Montgomery to meet their needs. They’ve basically turned him into a super-part-time employee.

Behind all of this, of course, is the typical small business squealing about how the company “makes no money.” I’ve heard this shit for 10 years and the previous two companies where I worked. Two companies that are remarkably similar.

Yes, it’s true that the company is having a down year. As their IT guy I crunched the numbers and made a graph. (Yes, I have access to the big picture. That’s a side effect of writing their software.) To protect their proprietary information, I left the scale blank.

Shithole Revenue by Year

Data only goes back to 2004 when I began to get involved. The left column, in light blue, represents the historical revenue of the primary company. As you can see, 2010 is a downer year, but it is most decidedly not the worst year they’ve ever had. I know for a fact that these numbers represent profitability for the company. That means the numbers in light blue cover expenses, rent, cost of doing business, employee compensation (wages), etc. and leave income left over for the owners.

The right column, in dark blue, represents additional income from a side business they added in 2009. As you can see, that changes things a bit. Now 2010 is almost equal to the 2nd best years they’ve ever had. Even now. Even in this recession. Even as they are cutting hours and laying off people.

I believe that the reality is even more compelling. This graph only shows “revenue.” Not profit. You have to remember that the side business did not require any additional expenses. They used their existing infrastructure. They run it out of the same building so there is no increase in rent. There was absolutely no increase in compensation, either. The existing employees simply had to eat the additional workload and with no increase in pay. And, lastly, the side business is mostly “service” and has low costs and very low operating expenses.

In other words, the main business, which remaining profitable, is already providing everything the side business needs, which means the side business has a very high margin.

If I could somehow adjust the graph to show profit then I personally believe you’d see a remarkable jump in 2009 and and an even bigger one in 2010. (There is also a third service business that was layered on top of employees in 2010 which I didn’t bother to include in 2010. The 2nd revenue bar should actually be a bit higher.)

So when they call meetings to squeal about how they are personally losing money, I know they are lying to my face. I know better.

This is the thing that gets me. They don’t want to work. They find visiting their own business distasteful and anytime they stop by they can’t wait to leave. They find the office a drag, I guess, and they’re exactly right. So they need employees to make it happen for them. And they squeeze the shit out of things while lying about their profit so they make all the money while treating employees like shit and laying them off. On the day before Thanksgiving.

What is a company? In my experience, it is a place were an owner does 10% of the work and gets 90% of the money. Meanwhile those that do 90% of the work are treated like shit while getting 10% of what the company makes. There is no profit sharing so no incentive to care, beyond losing your job, about the success of the company. What kind of incentive is “my boss makes 30 times my salary” vs. “my boss makes 25 times my salary” while being a lazy ass and treating me like shit? And, “No matter how hard I work, I’ll make exactly the same.” Yeah, I wake up every day and get energized by thoughts like those. Not! And we wonder why so many of the employees we interact with during our daily lives could seemingly not care less.

What awesome people who run the place I used to work. I call this whole sort of phenomenon “gold nugget economics.” That’s why I proudly display my family’s coat of arms of Gristle.

So yeah, I feel for my friend. He’s unemployed and yet still under the company’s thumb. I can’t wait to see what they pull next. ‘Tis the season – ho ho ho!

Star Beck: The Wrath of God

Glenn Beck says America should be about believing in God. Do you think he’s right about that?

What do you think was most important to the “founding fathers?” Freedom? Individual rights vs. the state? Or that we must have a belief in God and laws based on the same?

Which do you think is more important when it comes to the rule of law and the way things work in the United States of America? The Declaration of Independence or the Constitution?

Which document, do you think, was intended to have more sway over our daily lives?

The other day I was flipping through channels and I saw television commentator Glenn Beck on the FOX News Channel hosting some kind of TV show. The studio audience seemed to be comprised mostly of young people. With Beck on stage was a man who would offer up comments regarding things that Beck said. I wish I could find a link to this show but I tried and was not successful.

I admit, I’m not a regular watcher of Beck. But I was momentarily curious. What were my impressions of the man? I have to admit the way he talked was really off-putting. His tone was histrionic and what he had to say seemed to me to be quite full of puffery. That’s just my opinion.

On this particular occasion he was frothing at the mouth about God and the Declaration of Independence. I’ll admit the obvious right up front. Beck is correct. That document clearly talks about a “creator” and so forth.

So what does that mean? That we’re supposed to be a “Christian nation?” That’s what Beck wants you to think. Be a critical thinker, though, and don’t take his word for it. Dig a little deeper.

The purpose of the Declaration of Independence: To announce and explain separation from Great Britain.

The purpose of the Constitution:  A national constitution to replace the Articles of Confederation.

Again I ask, which document do you think is supposed to hold more sway over our laws and how we live our lives?

Beck is correct that the Declaration of Independence mentions a “creator.” But what is he leaving out? What you don’t hear him spouting off about all the time is that the Constitution is strangely silent on the subject of God.

The following words do not appear in the original United States Constitution: God, creator, maker, Christ, Christianity, and religion*. Search the text for yourself and see!

The word “religious” does show up one single time, but it’s not exactly a powerful statement that the founding fathers wanted religion entwined with government. In fact, it says the exact opposite:

From Article VI. “… no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”

To my simple mind, this disconnect raises an immediate and important question: If the founding fathers were so concerned about God, why did they fail to broach the subject even a single time in the Constitution? The document that they intended to be the very foundation for our country?

I can see why Beck prefers to avoid bringing attention to this sort of thing. But that doesn’t stop him from appearing on stage with an “expert” and declaring that the word “creator” in a different document means that we’re supposed to be a Christian nation.

In fact, the only logical conclusion that can be drawn from the God disconnect between the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution is that the authors of the Constitution deliberately went out of their way to keep God out. I mean, what else? You think they forgot? I don’t think so. They seemed to put an awful lot of thought into the Constitution. I find it hard to imagine that they would forget about God unless it was deliberate.

All the puffery and histrionics in the world can’t get around the fact that God is missing from the Constitution and that the founding fathers didn’t want religious beliefs to dictate who could hold office.

Amazing, eh?

One last point: What is “freedom of religion?” That comes from the First Amendment which prohibits the federal government from making a law “respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” This was later expanded to state and local governments by the Fourteenth Amendment.

Now for a geometrical proof regarding the “free exercise” of religion:

• The Constitution guarantees the free exercise of religion in the United States.
• This guarantees every American the right to choose their own religious beliefs (or even have none at all).
• By definition and as required by the Constitution, therefore the United States is not a “Christian” nation.

If every American has the right to believe what they want about God and religion, how can there be any requirement that we are a Christian nation? Such a requirement, even if it did exist, would be a direct violation of the Constitution. We’re all free to worship trees or be atheists or be whatever we want to be. It just so happens that most of us are Christians, but that is not a requirement of being an American. According to the Constitution you don’t have to believe in God at all if you don’t want.

That’s not the way Beck wants it, though. Beck believes that a belief in God is a requirement to being a good American. If so, what happens then? Can religious beliefs other than the most popular be legally discriminated against? Can you be excluded from housing based on having the “wrong” belief? Turned away from a job? Jailed? Burned at the stake? Where are these lines, how are they drawn, and who is going to be deciding how every American’s beliefs will be evaluated and legally acted upon?

By the way, Thomas Jefferson was the first to advocate the concept of the separation of church and state in this letter.

Beck is wrong. God does not belong in politics. God has nothing to do with being an American.

Related reading: You don’t have the Constitution for that

* Except for the First Amendment. The word “religion” does appear there.