Hanging Out My Shingles

Now that I’m a successful small business owner (one day and counting) and a veritable piece of Americana, my mind has turned to other business opportunities. Where else can I spread?

My idea is a retail location known as The Nothing Goes Store. The sign on the front door says it all:

• No electronic devices of any kind permitted on these premises
• No wifi offered
• No headphones allowed
• No customers
• No soliciting
• No products
• No music
• No talking
• $20 cover charge
• No outside food or beverages
• No eye contact
• No touching
• No nudity
• No clothing
• No guns
• No addictions

That’s about it. Come in and have a seat. You won’t be served in the order of arrival. Charter memberships are still not available. No ground floor opportunities are available. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Therefore, no current or prospective client should assume that the future performance of any specific nothingness (including the advise dispensed by the guru), will be profitable or equal to past performance levels.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Pish

Reblogged from Shouts from the Abyss:

• 
• 
• 
• 

It's official. I am out of The Shit Hole, Galactic Empire Designation Death Star One.

I have done punched that clock for the last time.

Yah, me!

To think I've been blogging about hating my job for well  over a  year now. I never imagined this day could actually come.

I don't really have a lot to say about it right now.

Read more… 714 more words

Déjà vu for the last time. The Decade of Despair is over. More details as they become available.

Random Seed

It didn’t know how long it had been there like this. Cold. Dry. Underground. Alone.

From time to time it would reach out beyond itself, encounter resistance and give up.

One day, it became aware that the-everything-that-surrounded contained warmth. And there was moisture. It absorbed water and felt strong. The feelings of life stirred within.

Emboldened, it reached out and discovered things weren’t as hard as they were before. It grew and projected itself. Instinctually it knew which way was up. It moved towards the greater warmth.

Quicker that it ever seemed possible, it broke through and was able to spread open as wide as it could. It turned toward light and felt on its face the sun.

Image Credit: Santa Barbara Hikes

Haiku Are From Mars

Red dust blossoms lander

Solitary colonist flips switches

Home sweet home

Orange Getaway

Reblogged from Stevil:

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

The last post dealt with the mechanics (and electricals) of getting to and from our weekend in Riverside without going into a lot of the details of perhaps its biggest question: why the heck would you ever spend a getaway weekend in Riverside?

If you’re not a Californian, Riverside sits near the eastern edge of the Inland Empire – the giant sprawl of towns and suburbs east of Los Angeles.

Read more… 429 more words

An exciting trip to Riverside, California. The musical selection is all mine. Riverside by The Beat Farmers

Resignates Man

“Are you not intertwined?” shouted the gladiator. Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, “What we do at our job resignates in eternity.”

Yeah, it does feel that way sometimes. Luckily my craft doesn’t rely too heavily on proper grammar and fancy so-called “dictionary” words. Hey, just like my blog.

Yes, I’ve called this mandatory staff meeting to discuss resignation origami. (See inset picture.) In the spirit of multitasking this is also my ode to the Pope. To ensure professionalism at all times I hired Phil Mickelson as a consultant.

My research indicates that when it comes to quitting a job there are a few factors that are (allegedly) paramount:

• Give two weeks notice, more if possible
• Don’t burn your bridges
• Write a letter of resignation
• Be respectful
• Be diplomatic
• Be tactful
• Stay professional
• Offer to help

In other words, try to hold yourself to a standard higher than your employer ever showed you. Shit always flows downhill. Apparently, when quitting, the reverse is also true. Gold nuggets are supposed to defy gravity.

Ugh.

But, even so, behold the awesome power of a properly wielded Letter of Resignation (LoR) which automatically confers +7 intelligence and enhanced saving rolls.

More of my observations on this bit of arcane power will magically appear after the jump.

Talkin’ about Walken #cowbell

Fast ship? You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon? It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. I’ve outrun Imperial starships. Not the local bulk cruisers mind you, I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. She’s fast enough for you old man.

Hey, Chris. Do you know what this post needs? More cowbell.

“I had no idea [the cowbell skit would be funny]. It follows me around very much so — too much. [I'm not sick of it], I just feel like it gets in the way once in awhile.”

–Christopher Walken, Source: Moviefone

A comedy bit in a 2000 appearance on Saturday Night Live took on a life of it’s own and, over a decade later, strangers still see Christopher Walken and shout at him, demanding “more cowbell.” Yeah, I’m sure that never gets old.

What else has Christopher Walken done? He once played a super villain in a James Bond film, A View To A Kill. He single-handedly made the movie The Dead Zone not only watchable but memorable, elevating the material with his performance. And he can dance and he’s got style.

One of his most memorable roles was in The Deer Hunter. To appear gaunt for the final scenes, he reportedly ate nothing but water, bananas and rice for an entire week. That’s dedication. And, after Abyss Island, I can honestly say I know exactly how that feels.

Other notable performances include portrayals of very different fathers in At Close Range and Around the Bend.

He was also once considered for the role of Han Solo in the original Star Wars fim. Wow. What kind of bizarro universe would that have been?

Here’s today’s Ode from the Abyss to Christopher Walken.