Source: Kaibab National Forest (Flickr)
People have differing experiences. I’m able to peer far enough past my crumbling walls of self to get that. Most can’t. As much as I would love to live on a planet populated with seven billion copies of myself, I have to be realistic and admit that’s probably not gonna happen.
I think an example is in order.
Some people, or so I’ve heard, are born, raised and live their entire lives in the same house.
“Yep. I’ve lived here my whole life. I’m 86 years old and I’ve never lived anywhere else. Same house, same town. Same, same, same. And it didn’t affect me, either. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to get back to licking the walls. It’s all original paint, baby.”
As a different person, I find the idea of staying in one place to be completely astounding. Unimaginable.
Unfortunately, records of my birth and previous residences were lost in the great fire at the Library of Alexandria, so no one knows my true age or how many times I’ve moved. But it is estimated to be at least one move for every year of my life. And I’m a person who absolutely abhors moving. That explains why it has happened to me so many times.
I just tried a mental exercise in counting. I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of cities where I’ve lived. And I’ve spent time in at least four different states. (I’m talking United States, not altered.)
So, yeah, I did have this dream of picking a spot, putting down some roots, and refusing to move until the day I died. A guru can dream, can’t he?
And I had even picked out the perfect place for it, too. The Taker Ponderosa.
About two hours from Abyss Central lies eight acres of beautiful property. This is the Taker Ponderosa. My grandparents bought the land, hell, maybe half a century ago. And it has been in the Taker name ever since. And I had this dream of keeping it in the Taker name for a little while longer.
My grandparents were, I think, pretty lucky people. They lived life mostly on their terms. Grandpa worked full time and, with only a single job, was able to provide a decent way of life for my grandmother and himself. They were comfortably middle class, enjoyed health insurance provided by the employer, and were happy together. It was even enough to buy a piece of land.
Grandpa put a house and a barn on that land. Grandpa worked, grandma raised animals including horses, and that’s where the majority of the memories of my youth are located. It’s been a meeting place for Takers of all shapes and sizes ever since. It’s part of our collective history.
When grandpa passed at a ripe old age grandma was set for life. She didn’t have to move and got to live the life she had known until, years later, she passed, too.
I had hoped to buy the property and live there myself. Find a new job and hang on to the land and keep it in the family for another 20 to 30 years, hoping, maybe by then my son or another descendent would be able to take the place over.
Instead, my aunts and uncles went Greedy Nuts. Actually, it started before grandma had even passed away. The jockeying for position, the lies, the inter-family snarkiness. It made me sick and I stayed out of it. Besides, as a black sheep, I had no business sticking my nose into any of those affairs.
I always wondered, though, what ever became of the Taker property?
The other day I received an email from one of my aunts and got a few answers. Most of you who know me won’t be very surprised at the content. So, without further ado, here it is. Only the names have been changed to protect the slimy. And I cleaned up the grammar and punctuation a bit but I can only do so much. A technical analysis of this email reveals there are three main parts: The introduction, the paragraph, and the closing.
Re: Property on XYZ Road
Hi Merlin and Corwin and Deirdre and Fiona,
I hope you all are having a great summer,thought I`d give you all a update on Taker’s old place on XYZ Road,Last March we sold place to Oberon,after 8 months he quit making housepayments,and moved out of house, leaving his girlfriend Florimel at the house,they had restraining order on each other, I was told Oberon was told to leave? He moved to [some other state] and in Dec. called me and said I had better get up to the house befor they trashed it worse than it was..in 2 1/2 hours I was in the driveway, the garage windows were painted white, a padlock on back gate, a big figure of a man painted on wall of barn, the cabinets in workbench were smashed in, garage window broken out, purple holding tank unconnected, cicuit breaker box wires hanging out of wall, (Of course I was in shock by then, I loved the garage)I walked into the kitchen area, walls painted dk brown or black,living rm walls painted a dark color, looked like someone threw a 5 gallon can of gray paint, all over kitchen cabinets, and appliances, 2-3 inches deep on carpet all the way to Grandmas room,1st bathroom was painted, carpet taken up, hard wood panals laid dwn, different light fixtures no exhaust fans, wires hanging from ceiling, Moms closet doors were gone along with her bathroom door, her window broken out and walls painted black, Florimel was taking me thru the trashed house, better known as “squatter girl”,we went back into the garage, where she told me she had someone to buy the wood stove? I told her she had no legal rights to be on our property, that nothing was to be removed intill balance was paid, and that I was there to give her a 30day notice of Eviction, she was to be out X-X-12, or sheriffs would escort her away, Joke on me, Sheriffs couldn`t do anything intill property back in our name, then they could evict her,I started that procedure in Dec. or Feb,Flora flew up spent my b-day with me, a really good time,we had app. with lawyer in eugene about foreclosure proceedings, befor the app, we drove out to property, whereas “squatter girl” told us she was calling police on me,us, cause we were tresspassing…go for it squatter girl, we both could go to jail, i said,I know she`s been in jail a few times, but I was talking out of my ass”come on Flora lets get out of here befor the coppers show up” plus we were in Merlin’s purple truck,and couldn`t find overdrive??So we went to lawyer app,7-8 months later, my pocketbook $7,500.- lighter,guess Coral and Flora’s idea of partners is I do all the work, and pay all the bills to lawyer, hell, guess you could call them silent partners, inless the house payment was late, they`d call and let me know payment late, bless there souls..now hold on, you know I have to throw my humor in when I can,just so you know i`m kidding,kinda,lol.After 7 months befor i could evict squatter girl, the law is on their sides,she had dug up the underground sprinkler system sold it? worth $600.- she cut up the 12-40`x5″ irrigation pipes,sold as scrap, she took the weather vane off top of barn, and sold the pump to the creek, tearing the fence down most of the way, 7-31-12 at ten a.m. they held a sherriffs sale auction,low bid starting around $200,000,- to cover expences sence he left property, the sheriffs cost $1000,-was included in the redemption amount along with lawyers padded costs, also covered..I had befor and after pictures to submit for reimbursement plus the $7,500. I have put out, to get property back, Flora,Coral threw in $700, each, it gets better, at the auction that lasted last than 2 minutes, and i was the only one there to bid,lawyer did on my behalf, wala, property deed back to us if Oberon doesn`t come up with full amount befor X-XX-13.so guess I`m out money I spent, to a much later if ever date,Now I`ve included Flora and Coral, even tho they don`t talk to each other,on what`s happening, asking their opinions ,and help, they showed little interest, mostly Coral and now a week after the auction,she has demanded me to make copies of all docunents she may need is going to see if Oberon is off property, which i took care of, and after i supply her with all the stuff she should have known about 6 months ago she will give me updates???So I guess this little nightmare is never ending, but honestly, Coral’s bs comes from where? talking out her ass again,lol,didn`t say I had a good sence of humor, but better than crying…So love all of you, I don`t have anyone elses e-mail, so share.
Love Aunt Llewella
It’s all my fault. I know better than to dream, dammit.
And so ends your American dream. All’s as is should be in Guru Land. I would have liked to have seen you on a horse, though. I guess I CAN dream.
PS: this is some sad shit.
You are so perceptive. Sad is what I was going for here.
And that’s exactly my point. All is as it should be. Who needs Yoda when life gives you all its got?
Giddy-up. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. I’m on my high horse right now. My high pommel horse. Level of difficulty: 4.2. Oh shit. I just broke my leg.