Enjoy Premium Abyss content for FREE

Posted: August 7, 2012 in ftw
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Another happy Abyssian!

Got a minute? Find out how to get everything* The Guru Abyss has to offer. For FREE!

All users can enjoy the first three words of every blog post. Subscribe via Your Fat Wallet and get access to everything* the Abyss has to offer and we’ll add an extra minute to your subscription – absolutely free.

* Does not include Double Secret Premium content.

DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS INCLUDE:

  • Abyss + Smartphone App
    It doesn’t exist yet amazingly you can still pay for it. If you act today. This is your chance to set a world record for early adoption. Be an early adopter.
    First Minute Free*
    $14.99 / month thereafter
  • All Digital Access
    Unlimited* access to the Abyss website and the Abyss apps.
    First Minute Free*
    $34.99 / month thereafter

Our friendly subscription specialists are standing by ready to assist you in achieving your wildest dreams.

Act fast. Don’t delay. If you could capture depression in a bottle and have it with you always? Yeah, that. You need the Abyss and the Abyss needs you. It’s as simple as that, really. Seriously, fall for this offer and you are one pathetic loser. (That’s a little truth in advertising. See? It can exist!)

I sure am looking forward to spending all of my quality time with you in the thereafter!

About these ads
Comments
  1. alwaysjan says:

    And I was hoping that you’d just move in with us! Does your ap include demotivational horoscopes too? I’ll have to weigh this exciting offer against some I’ve received from Nigeria.

    • shoutabyss says:

      Fortunately for you I failed to mention that our business offices are based in Nigeria. Does that make the decision easier? Sounds like a win-win for you!

      And, for the first subscriber (still waiting) they do get the added bonus of having me move in. And feeding me, too!

  2. Blogdramedy says:

    If you had responded to my product review submission from last year…maybe I could believe that you’d come through with that depression in a bottle.

    But, you didn’t. And now the trust is gone. I know…I was a fool to believe you had anything I need. You’re like the wind.

    (Sorry. Just watched Dirty Dancing and you remind me so much of Johnny.)

    • shoutabyss says:

      What? I owe you something. Pray tell, can I have a hint? I’d feel sad to know I’d neglected you somehow. Product review?

      Of course, my advice is never trust me. You apparently failed Guru 101.

      There was someone named Johnny in Dirty Dancing?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s