In our last contest the grand prize winner was offered (and declined) an action figure of Dr. Julius M. Hibbert from The Simpsons.
This time we’re upping the stakes a bit. The winner of Abyss Island: Survivor Challenge will receive One Million Dollars*.
In this exclusive contest 20 ordinary Americans will be selected by me, your Probst of Ceremonies, to participate in a unique online experiment.
They’ll be separated into two “tribes” where they’ll be forced to adapt to the environment and develop their own society. They will fight each other, friend each other, and follow each other before having to unfight, unfriend, and unfollow.
And we get to watch every delicious minute of it.
Eventually it will all come down to the person who has been unfriended the least. That person will earn the title of Soul Abyssian Lesser of Evils But Not Actually A Winner Selected Only By A Stupid Process Of Attrition And Not Necessarily The Best Or The Person Who Should Have Won Champion.
You want that title? You’re not going to be able to just phone it in. You’re going to have to want it. You’re going to have to earn it.
Contestants will participate in a series of challenges designed to make them look foolish, amuse us and increase their anger and irritation with each other.
Episodes of Abyss Island will begin with a “Quick-Fire Flier” ™ challenge. This involves being strapped into a flaming trebuchet. The first to let go will literally be ejected from the island. They’ll also have to pack their knives and go.
Other challenges include:
- Solve this DNA Sequence
- Find That Acid
- Meet My Mother
- Who You Hate The Most
- Wednesday Wedgie
- Copyright Infringement
- Something I Ate
- Sundae At The Ant Hill
- Chicken Hunt
- Nice Coconuts
- Innumerable Neuroses
- Strife’s A Beach
- Lift Until Hernia
- Don’t Drink The Water
- In Tents Feelings
- Holding Breath Underwater
- Intestinal Fortitude
- Cuddle With Your Enemy
- and much, much more!
Interested? All you have to do is voluntarily sign up. Entry forms can be submitted in the comment section below. Entries must be limited to 200 words or less.
All contestants selected will be forced to sign contracts where they give up rights to their “likeness” but only “in perpetuity and throughout the universe.” We’re not greedy like that other show.
To help explain our contract, we have enlisted the help of internet mime “Sugar Dish.”
Note: This is the most Not Safe For Work (NSFW) content ever posted to this humble blog. Caution is advised for persons with no funny bone.
* Winner of ABYSS ISLAND will have 60 days from The Day of Winning to decide upon cash payment of $1 USD or annuity (1,000,000 payments of $1 USD each over 999,999 years. Length of annuity is not guaranteed.)