I really look up to my wife. She hates her job every bit as much as I hate mine, although, perhaps, for not exactly all the same reasons. To each their own! Vive la difference!
Hell, sometimes she even makes me feel like a negativity neophyte. Yes, she’s that good and I love her for it.
I made her company famous in a previous post about how they turned Christmas dinner into an H.R. event by making employees roll dice to determine where they would sit. You thought this was Christmas dinner? Nope. It’s a team building exercise!
So far in 2011 there have been layoffs, employees were told there would be no Christmas bonus, and management is forcing employees to use extra vacation days before the end of the year. My wife’s coworker was saving her days, in accordance with company policy, for a trip next year. Now that’s all screwed up. The scuttlebutt is that management wants fewer vacation days on the books so there will be less payouts during the next round of layoffs.
Recently my wife was summoned by the department head. She was informed that she was the worst “smiler” in the workplace and that she needed to improve on her smiling. The “or else” was implied.
The facts are clear. A computer report that tracks productivity in the department shows my wife at the top of the list. The best smiler in the department? She’s dead last.
The intimated threat to my wife: Do a better job at smiling or we’ll keep the most unproductive employee ahead of you. Smile more or you’re the next to go.
Believe it or not, she was actually called in for a meeting about this. Amazing, I know.
Then this same boss gives my wife a little Christmas card. It contained a $5 coupon to a coffee house and a personal note that said, “I hope this makes you smile.”
Wow!
Using a Christmas card to deliver a shitty boss message like that? You gotta admire a subtly handcrafted and executed implied threat delivered with such festive deftness. I’m in awe.
Well, that just sucks.
You two…if I could, I’d hire you both to work for me. I’d promise never to say a positive word in your presence and Mrs. Abyss would never have to smile again. Except when you fuck up. She’d be a grinning fool.
We ask for so little. Like being treated like real human beings. Why is it that bosses are so inadequate to that challenge?
Husband/wife slavery to you would be a dream come true. That, of course, is why we can’t have it.
You two need to move out of that town immediately! I’ve never heard of such terrible bosses in my area. Annoying, yes, Incompetent, of course. But your town seems to breed a very special kind of awful boss. You and your wife should team up and start your own business. You are both extremely talented. I see books, t-shirts, consulting gigs, all sorts of enterprises. How about a book on how to handle relatives with chapters on relatives who insist on bringing their pets when they visit. Maybe you could start a pet day care. I’d like to have a mobile pet day care in my town, so I wouldn’t have to board my cats when I leave town.
Sadly we don’t exaggerate that much. I no longer trust my wife’s boss. I don’t think she’d go to the effort of lifting her finger of preventing a knife in my wife’s back. She tells her different things to her face but the truth is she’d sacrifice my wife in a heartbeat so save her own skin. But she wants you think she’s your friend and on your side.
We are strongly considering leaving town, a longtime dream of my wife’s which she screwed up by marrying me. We’d be willing to move almost anywhere for decent jobs and we’ve been looking.
This Christmas we went to my uncle’s house and there were three dogs. It wasn’t that bad. Dare I say it? I think I’ll try. “I can’t complain.” Wow, that didn’t hurt as much as I imagined.
Being a cat whisperer would be a great job (that was also my name in World of Warcraft) but even my own cats refuse to listen to me so somehow I don’t think that would work out.
To improve your holiday spirit, I’m sending you this link as I know you’re so interested in poop. What says Merry Christmas like a pooping reindeer on your sweater?
http://fashionablygeek.com/jackets/everybody-poops-including-this-christmas-sweater-video/
Cool sweater! It’s on my wishlist of course! On the downside, you do have to walk around with poop in your clothing to make it work.
I used to proudly own a sweatshirt with a picture of Santa on his sleigh and all his reindeer passed out with the caption, “Who farted?” Man I loved that shirt.
It’s easy to be merry during Christmas. All you have to do is look around you with a discerning eye to discover all of the natural beauty. It’s everywhere!
Can I be both appalled by and admire the sheer shittiness that your wife’s boss showed in that set of exchanges. Holy crap.
Yes — the purging of vacation days is a giant red flag of “we’re going to cut you or sell the company so someone else can cut you”… :-/
My wife could have been Sherlock Holmes. She’s very observant and skilled at putting limited information together and coming up with prescient conclusions!
Today is the last day of my vacation. While we were still four hours from home, enjoying our selves at a local store, I get a text from boss number 3.
Boss: Can you work the late shift tomorrow. I screwed the schedule up again and Sally’s off so Mary has to take her shift which means she can’t take her scheduled late shift.
Me: k, see you at 8:30 then
Boss: If you can’t no biggie, I can – trying to read into your response.
Me: Sorry, but I’m standing in line at a check out. I’m down with the late shift. No problem-o!
Boss: Oh sorry to bother you. Happy shopping and enjoy the rest of your vacation.
I hate my bosses. Apparently I forgot to SMILE when I texted, “k, see you at 8:30 then”. Bitches.
The evils of the cell phone are legion. On the other hand, no one dared try to call my non-existent phone.
Smiles!