This is a guest blog written by Mrs. Abyss. A TRUE poem written to my beloved in the cadence style of the “Woman, Woe Man, Whoa Man” poem from the movie “So I Married An Axe Murderer”:
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Hus-band
Totally out of his safety zone
Longing for the comfort of his sterile home
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Not one to mess with Na-ture
Can’t even start a Fi-re
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Thinking fondly of computer programm-ing
And staying up late World of Warcraft-ing
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Scared of buzzing insects always bit-ing
Protecting food and drink with lots of nett-ing
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Nowhere to “go” but in the sticky brush
Wishing there was a place to sit and flush
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Face full of pain and very concentrate-ed
It’s been five long days since he has poop-ed
Husband, Oh Hus-band
Hus-band
this is cool.
good job
He went through all that for five days? He evolved though, right? At the end did he look like the Brawny Paper Towel guy – flannel shirt, going around with an axe in case some trees give him any guff?
You know what? Blogging theft is a serious crime!
While I was in bed last night barely hanging on by the narrowest of threads, suffering from a migraine headache and a queasy tummy, my beautiful wife was on the computer stabbing me in the back. When she said she’d help me get out my missing blog for the day, I had no idea this is what she was doing.
By the way, if she could be prodded into telling the truth, no doubt she’d regale you with stories of how I made the Brawny man look like a big pussy. She was seriously impressed (and surprised) at how I handled the great outdoors. Making fires, killing and cleaning my own fish (note: that’s not plural), leaping from peak to peak like a surefooted billy goat, and much much more. Maybe I should get my audition tape in to Survivor?
I think I just died of laughter. Yup. Pretty sure. I love you, Mrs. Abyss.
Of course, the best blog you’ve written: Wasn’t written by you.
Time to pass the baton, dood.
(kidding, homie)
Thank you, thank you! It’s easy when you have good husband material to work with. Soon I will post a compilation of husband Haiku for your amusement. Mr. A would rather I start my own blog, but it’s so much fun to pick on him in his own space.
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